Friday, February 3, 2012

SO much has been happening in our house since i've last posted! we have gone on our 'first' day trip with Chloe, she's starting smiling like CRAZY, and she's recognized her feet and loves them. (i don't think she's realized her daddy and i more than likely gave her flat feet... sorry 'bout that, girlie!) And all of those things are great. But, for now i'd like to share (via pictures and text) what made our day trip so very special.

we headed off to Fredricksburg, Tx a few weekends ago to spend some time walking around and enjoying the cool weather. it has quickly become a special place to andrew and i and so, i thought we should share that city with our Chloe.

The day started off great. C-bomb slept all the way to Fredricksburg and continued to sleep while we figured out where we wanted to eat.


once she got up, she was an absolute delight and enjoyed the walk with us for about an hour...


until.... we had a minor explosion. and by minor, i do in fact mean MAJOR. we only have minimal pictures of this 45 minute time span. during our lunch i saw that she had a wet diaper. no problem. i picked her up, took her to the bathroom only to realize they didn't have a changing table. no problem, again. i laid her out on the floor on top of both of her blankets and the changing pad.

so she's comfortable and quiet and good. i begin to change her diaper. i take off the dirty diaper and grab the wipes. the rest happens in slow motion.

as i turn with the wipes, she not only poops... she explodes. all over the changing pad. all over both blankets. all over her body. all over my pants. all over the floor. all over the new diaper.

i freak out and pick her up immediately to take her to the sink. as i do this, she pees all over me. all over the floor. all over the sink. all over the paper towel stack.

then there is a knock on the door. of course someone wants to use the bathroom now. of course.

"just a minute," i say. i feel myself getting sweaty.

now... let me pause for a second. about a year ago i would have been rolling my eyes at this stupid, exaggerated tale about poop. who cares. but not anymore. this moment made me want to jump out the non-existent window in the bathroom. other moms can identify with the absolute panic that occurs when poop covers everything in sight.

and the story continues. i look down at chloe who is perfectly content buck naked, dripping in feces and urine, and staring wide-eyed at me as though she's waiting for my next move. i turn on the faucet and begin to wash off her legs and tummy-- which only makes her scream bloody murder. this is where i show my naivety the water is probably freezing her. so now she's screaming. the person outside the door is probably thinking i'm killing small animals in there. i begin to sweat a bit more as i realize there are maybe two paper towels that weren't peed on.

nevermind, i think. i use my shirt. yummmmmy. so she's dry but there is no place to lay her while i clean up the disaster that is now the bathroom. i don't have a phone to call andrew for help and the person knocks again.. .

REALLY??? does it sound like i'm DONE in here?!

i hold her in one hand, and proceed to wipe the floor and wall clean with her, now, very dirty blankets. they are now covered in feces, urine and whatever else was on the bathroom floor of this public restroom. they will eventually be placed back in her diaper bag. honestly, as i type this, i just realize they should have just been thrown away. i'm going to blame panic for that decision.

okay, so the floor is clean. i stuff ALL of the urinated paper towels in the trash and smash them down to the bottom with my feet. i begin to wish there was a camera in this bathroom (creepy, i know) because this experience would make anyone lose it. but its SOOOO not time to laugh yet. anyway, after that i think i've got everything taken care of. Chloe has stopped crying. the floor is clean. the evidence has been hidden.

and then i realize my daughter is completely naked in my arms. hmmmmm. i proceed to put a diaper on her that is somewhat peed on and don't have a change of clothes with me in the bathroom. i proceed to put her gross little pooped on outfit back on her and decide i need to find another bathroom before they call the firefighters to break me out of the bathroom. its probably been ten minutes at this point.

i leave the bathroom to find andrew sitting at the table smiling. he looks up and says, "that took a while. are you done with your lunch?"

silently, i put her back in her car seat and motion with crazy eyes that its time to go. we walk to the next store and i ask to use bathroom. i change her into a clean diaper, clean clothes and we're off. she looks at me like i'm cramping her style and then she passes out. WAY too much action for her.

so, things are good. we continue shopping and walking and enjoying the weather. and then, i stopped to feed her after about 20 minutes.

while sitting on the bench on a side street....
{insert HORRIFICALLY LOUD pooping noise here.}

i look down and she's just staring at me. as in... i DARE you to check my diaper. (if she could be snarky yet, this would be the moment.) andrew picks her up from me and poop begins to drip down his arm. strike two.

hilarious. twice in one day. we are dumb, idiot parents. but now the problem is that we are out of clothes. so, we are dumb, idiot parents with a naked child. it's 62 degrees and my daughter is diaper-less, without clothing and laying on a street bench in Fredricksburg. parents of the year, 2012.

{insert saving grace}. there is a little souvenir shop behind our bench. i take chloe from andrew, wipe off his hand with the disgusting poop blanket and send him in there to see if they have any onesies. as you will see in the next photo... they do. ironically, we both think its cute. we pay $25 for a stupid onesie and now the photo story continues..


i decided to take a picture of the last episode. this is clearly after she is in her third and final outfit for the day. the damage is in the background. i spared all of you of poop pictures. you're welcome.

here she is... checking out her new outfit. i put the bow on her because that's clearly necessary. plus, it was the only thing without poop on it.


so now that we were all poop-free, we continued our {pleasant} day in Fredricksburg. We took her to see the B & B that we stayed at for our first anniversary. she LOVED it.





and then we finished walking around. notice that she's sound asleep. she had had her fun... now it was nap time. i'm not gonna lie... we didn't mind.

and then she got to experience her first beirgarten. andrew and i stopped to have a beer and listened to some music. she was an angel.

mmmmmmm....beer.


she woke up towards the end and she and andrew talked and smiled for a while.


and then i decided we should discuss ways to keep this afternoon from happening again. i asked her to pinky swear.
she said, "no promises."

peace, erin

3 comments:

  1. I remember those days well. Now I not only carry extra clothes for her, but an extra set for myself (imagine white shorts during a poopapalooza). They get more gross once the solid food begins, but not as explosive. :)

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  2. I was just about to say, "I would carry extra clothes for me too!" but I see that someone beat me to it. :) Oh, the poop days...just wait till she poops and projectile vomits/spits up at the same time. Fun times, fun times.

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  3. I occasionally blog-stalk you, but I had to comment because that was maybe the funniest thing I have ever read! A lesser woman would have dropped to her knees and started dry-heaving. Kudos to you for keeping it together through two explosive poop episodes. Also, I cannot express to you how much I loved that the onesie you ended up buying was tie-dyed and said "Keep Austin Weird," and how your adorable daughter checks it out like she's not sure if she wants to commit to the Austin hippie lifestyle yet. Too cute!

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