Friday, April 4, 2014

Petsmart is not for sissies.

hi. i'm back. i keep saying i'm going to try and make this more of a habit and i actually mean it. life has been crazy lately- you know with getting knocked up and all. we are so blessed to be in this position- pregnant with yet another miracle baby Ross. now we're just on pins and needles awaiting the big sex reveal in a few weeks. it's interesting how the second time around there are definitely things I'm less anxious about, all the while my anxiety-ridden mom script keeps me thinking "I have a perfect, healthy child… can it happen again? can i be that blessed?" i realize this thinking can be seen as natural for some neurotic parents like myself, but it does still keep me up some nights. either way- wow- how lucky are we?

so, i'm eighteen weeks on sunday. here is what's going on in pregnancy thus far.

due date: 09/07/14 (will probably try to deliver 09/03/14..via scheduled c-section). chloe's first day of school is the 2nd and i'd like to be there… we shall see. you know what they say about Your plans vs. God's plans…mine usually end up sucking.

cravings: have been the exact same as with chloe.. tons of sweets and root beer. and added to that lately is green olives stuffed with garlic.

early pregnancy has been: wonderful. blessed. mildly sick all day for the first 11 weeks, but honestly i think if you're not puking, consider yourself lucky and be quiet. most people have it worse.

second pregnancy vs. first: i felt Nugget much earlier than i felt chloe, which is also expected. although flutters are light and quick for now, it calms me down to feel them and makes me smile. i think i'm less neurotic in general this time around. but obviously, still neurotic.

carrying the baby: the exact same. everything about it feels the same.

boy or girl: one day i think boy and the next I'm back to having no clue. my initial feeling was boy, but for no apparent reason. i knew without a doubt with chloe, so it makes me feel funny not to have a stronger inclination this time around. the other part of it is, i truly whole-heartedly don't care. maybe that has something to do with my indecision. mother's intuition may have failed me. most people around me say boy- except my mom. we shall see.

anywho, the true reason for this post was the nightmare of a morning that i got to experience. here's what went down…

polo broke his nail yesterday. kinda gross, but not a biggie except that i couldn't find the clippers to cut it off. that evening, we figured a quick trip to the vet for a pedicure in the morning would be the best idea.

fast forward to this morning:
andrew leaves for work. i'm up and dressed and decide to knock this errand out asap. in fact, i look around. the house is clean. i have already done my case notes for the week. chloe ate all of her oatmeal (plus some) and we were both dressed by nine- heck.. i'll take BOTH of dogs in for a pedicure because i'm so organized and efficient. happy friday, indeed. and maybe later i'll write a parenting book and a manual for how to raise the perfect dogs while keeping your house clean. bam- i'm amazing.

so, i load up the dogs, the leashes and the chloe. off we go to conquer petsmart. however, for the entire drive please picture polo shivering and whimpering at me while sitting directly under my brake pedal. as i'm nervously try to coax him away from there and up into the seat without hitting the car in front of me, i realize this may not have been my best idea yet. but…although we are off to a shaky, unsafe start- we are still doing this.

we arrive at petsmart as the dogs become completely unhinged- panting, sweating and howling...and now scaring chloe with their full fledged panic attack. she becomes insanely worried about their howling and starts to whimper and repeatedly ask "what's a matta with emmy?" over and over and over again. and over again. in the midst of this baby/dog crisis, i realize i have failed/forgotten to put on their leashes before arriving- which means they are now hiding in the back of the trunk, away from my reach. perfect, thanks guys. i get chloe out of the car (who is crying because the dogs are crying) and she immediately begins demanding to walk all by herself across the street. no can do, bob. [more crying ensues]. as i settle her down, somehow i get the leashes on the dogs and lock the car. i then look down to see BOTH dogs taking a giant poop after they wrap my ankles in their leashes. nervous bowels??? what. the heck.

 i manage to avoid the poop, but sadly, they do not and instead tracked it into the store as a passing car watches the whole thing. YES, i am the lady that not only chose not to bend down and clean up the poop with my invisible paper towels, I am also the lady that let my child walk herself into the store at a snail's pace while you waited to pass AND i let my dogs bring their poop in with them. Deal with it.

we arrive at the check-in counter (after a few detours to look at fascinating cat toys) and the nurse walks around to take them from me. sounds nice and almost over... but then emma spots a giant dog and decides she IS, in fact, big enough to take kill him. (mind you she literally has no teeth- twelve removed thus far). she lunges away from me and out of her collar- barking like a freaking lunatic. this moment is awesome. nurse begins to scream ,"DOG LOOSE" and the entire store turns to judge and shame me. i gonna be honest, i didn't even budge. i was so overwhelmed that she could have been that dogs lunch and i would have offered to burp him.

so, back to the moment… chloe thinks she should be the one to go find her and takes off down the aisle. luckily, emma was caught before doing much damage other than making me look like the negligent dog parent that i am. chloe got one more look at the cat toys on her way back and all is well again.

oh wait, did i mention that in the middle of this chaos polo apparently tore off the rest of his nail and is now bleeding all over my hand? oh weird, i don't know why i would have forgotten that. yep. it happened. so, as i begin to wipe away the blood- chloe begins to repeatedly ask "polo o-tay?" and the nurse takes him from me and tells me she'll inform me if the doctor wants to speak with me about canine nail treatment. awesome. bring her out- i'd love to tell her how much i do not care about my dog's nails in this moment.

oookay, fast forward ten minutes. no infection, no need to amputate- let's go home. both dogs are in my hands b/c they are untrustable little Houdinis and chloe is once again, walking herself freely around the store. she finds a cat toy that marco, her cat cousin, needs to have.  he needed a flourescent feathered cat tail fishing thingy. perfect- happy birthday, marco. let's go. we head to the cashier to pay (and for the dogs to have one last fight with another dog from my arms) and we're done.

off to the car. chloe behaves. dogs are trapped in my arms. all is well in the world. nope. no, it's not. as i'm putting chloe into her carseat while holding the dogs (i just might have a little Houdini in me as well) polo decides to urinate on my foot and sandal simultaneously while chloe tells me she is currently pooping in her diaper. as i'm trying to change her with one hand in the back of the trunk while holding the dogs inside the car with my other hand she starts screaming, "not now. no new diaper. in a minute- i'll tell you when."

annnnnd i'm done. enough. mercy. uncle. i've slapped the mat. get me out of here.

the rest is now, happily, only history. i haven't had one of those moments in far too long and i was way overdue, i realize this now. all i could think of on the way home was that in five short months i would have another child to add to this crazy mix and thus, will never, ever leave the house again. running errands was fun while it lasted.

happy friday to you and yours. if this post makes you appreciate your dogs, give them a big hug for me. my dogs are not receiving hugs tonight.