Thursday, August 18, 2011

I'm not nervous... and that's a big deal.

I like the sound of that. I'm not nervous. AND we're six months and one week along. That's sexy. It sounds like I'm actually getting closer to having a baby. How cool is that?

I was having a conversation a few days ago about mom anxiety and when it starts to 'hit you' that you're soon to have a watermelon to push through your body. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm hoping for something only as wide as a coconut or something a wee bit smaller. And honestly, a watermelon would mean a FAT baby. So, for sanity's sake let's go with coconut.

I mean, maybe I'm too far out still, but I'm honestly not nervous, only excited. Which is weird for a neurotic, OCD, anxiety-ridden human. In fact, its downright creepy. But, I'll tell ya what, I really haven't been that big of a nervous freak all pregnancy. Ok, ok, a little bit of a freak, but I that's just genetic.

But, anyway we've had an interesting, but good past week. The magical 24 weeks marker has come and gone and we are all healthy and happy.

So, we went back to the doctor for our 24 week check up and to get a few things measured that they couldn't see on the ultrasound last time. Okay, fine. I'll buy that. We go in, everything looks 'awesome' and Chloe is adorbs as usual. We got some fabulous pictures, including a surprise 3D picture in which Chloe appears to be smoking a Doobie. Awesome. See what cool parents we are? We let her smoke pot before she's even born. She can never say she doesn't have freedom to make her own choices.

Okay, so it's really just her cord, no worries. You can put down the phone and not feel the need to call Child Protective Services. Andrew and I are FULLY aware that she's not old enough to smoke pot yet.

So anyway, things look good. Oh! And the little chunk-a-monk is nearly two pounds and is in the 58% percentile for weight. That-a-girl. We are proud and relieved. We hope she's going to be big and healthy baby (except, smaller than a watermelon).

So the next day, I have to go back and meet with our doctor because she wasn't available to see us on our ultrasound day. Irritating, but okay. Andrew can't make it (first time EVER) because of work. But, it's no biggie... I've got this.

I pee in a cup. They take my blood pressure and everything is peachy. The doctor comes in, smiles and says, "Everything is looking great AND the Lakes haven't grown at all."

Silence. crickets. silence. Blank stare.


She looks at me and says, "Oh, I thought they told you.... well ,its no biggie."

I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I keep staring.

She proceeds to tell me (remember i'm BY MYSELF) that they have been tracking several placental venous lakes that have been present on the ultrasounds since week 20 and that they haven't grown at all.

Well, dandy. My lakes are stagnant. wth does THAT mean?

And for the record... PLACENTAL LAKES? Really? They couldn't think of anything else to call those things? Sounds like a low income housing subdivision on the wrong side of town.

And for those of you in the dark on this.. and I'm assuming that includes most everyone on this planet...placental lakes are enlarged spaces in the placenta filled with maternal blood. Yumm. Basically, what this means is that there are pockets of blood (sorry, this is kinda gross) resting between my placenta and the uterus that CAN (but NOT necessarily) restrict growth in the baby. However, that only normally happens should they get really big and ugly. And, as our doctor explained, she would have already probably seen them grow.

Mine, you ask? Well, mine are stagnant and small... [read: WAHOO! I can't grow a good lake!]

Here is an example of what they look like on an ultrasound... but these ARENT mine. Mine are way cuter with little trees and a sailboat...

So, that made me slightly anxious and made me want to bite into the crazy apple. But, I haven't. She told me to stay OFF the Internet repeatedly and not worry. Nothing would change about my treatment and that Chloe was fine. Plus, she's two pounds. That's not the sign of a growth restricted baby.

I smiled, asked a few questions and left the office.

I went home and got on the Internet.

You dont know my life. Don't judge.

It helps! It really does. Here, I'll explain... I am fully aware that there is ALL kinds of nonsense on there. Lots of untrue, exaggerated and completely unverifiable stories that only serve to scare me, my family and cause undue stress to the baby. But, I read the research. I like to know my odds. For me, knowledge equals peacefulness. And its not just one or two articles, mind you. I think its been about 20. And I feel good. Being a good researcher pays off. I'm no longer worried and even though you may not get it, I get it. I'm neurotic.

So, long story short, I'm feeling good. I'm actually thinking I may not freak out during this pregnancy and am left feeling pretty impressed by that. We are so beautifully blessed. Chloe is happy, doing well and still likes good music.

Peace, Erin