My name is Erin and in 48 hours...

I'm going to officially be a mom! How cool is that????

That being said, the moment obviously begs for a little introspection and reflection on life lessons thus far. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that in 48 hours life will NEVER be the same again.

Honestly, there are tons of things that we experience in life that are life-changing. Weddings, divorces, people in and out of our lives.. .change is a constant. But some change is not necessarily as life-changing as others. At least not for me. For example, when Andrew and I got married, we both fell right into our roles as husband and wife. When we got engaged we said right away, we already 'felt' married. We had tons of time to practice, get to know each other and learn to be joined as forever partners. But this, this is HUGE. There is no such practice available. (With the exception our two small furries that are absolutely part of our family.) They sure FEEL like children when you wake up to puke in your bed at 4 a.m... but, I digress.

So, for life to change so drastically, so immediately and so completely- it's a little nerve-wracking to have no practice. I like to plan. I always have. It's empowering, works to control my anxiety and makes me feel organized.

I have said all throughout this process that planning was impossible, but secretly... I've tried. I've read the books, organized Chloe's closet about 100 times (by color, size, item, etc.) 48 hours out from her birth... I'm gonna let you in on a little secret... IT DOESNT MATTER THAT HER CLOTHES ARE ORGANIZED BY SIZE. What actually matters is that we adore her, we are ready for her, and we recognize her significance in our lives. That's it. That's all we can do. I'm finally okay with that (although, let's be honest, that doesn't mean I plan on DISorganizing her closet.) ;)

So, I wanted to compile a list of things off the top of my head that I want Chloe to know. These are the things I've learned from myself, life, and those most important to me. Then she can't say I didn't teach her anything...

Dear Chloe,
1. learn to love yourself early. it makes the rest of life much easier and MUCH more fun.

2. pay attention to people. that's how you learn the most about yourself.

3. enjoy time spent alone. figure out what YOU like doing and then do it whenever you can. it feels good to be good to yourself.

4. don't take yourself too seriously, but know that others might. you can't control that, but don't let it cramp your style.

5. when it comes time to pick a profession- do what you love. you can always figure out a way to make money doing what you love (thanks, dad).

6. never, ever, ever settle (thanks, mom).

7. be good to your partner. let your partner be good to you.

8. learn to enjoy food and try everything. but, don't let it consume you or allow it to be something you judge yourself about.

9. most of the time life doesn't make sense. appreciate it anyway.

10. college is absolutely a blast. let yourself go explore and figure out how to make good decisions during that time of your life. friends usually matter most during these years.

11. use your head for something other than a bow rack (thanks, creepy piano teacher).

12. learn to sit in the moment and listen to really powerful lyrics- music can change the way you think and feel. (its one of my favorite things in life and man, i hope you like tracy chapman one day).

13. its okay to like nice things. don't let people make you feel bad for doing so.

14. when people get jealous, they can get mean. don't make excuses for your success.

15. learn to fail. it never stops SUCKING, but it will make you a stronger person.

16. if you're anything like your mom, you're going to need to know how to use your sarcasm at appropriate times. it's fun to be spunky, but know that it may come with a cost.

17. read. a lot.

18. there is a difference between feeling sad and feeling angry, but most people don't realize that. anger is secondary to sadness, but its tricky because its usually easier to feel. let yourself be sad when you feel that way instead of masking it with anger. you'll thank yourself later.

19. learn the art of doing nothing. i'm not very good at that one...

20. love, love, love God. that's where i come in - I can't wait for you to know Him. He's just totally awesome.

Love, Mom

so, we'll see. armed with three different 'coming home' outfits, my birthing skirt and ipod birthing playlist- andrew and i will venture out tomorrow night to do the very best we can at being good parents. my two primary goals are: (1) deliver her and pray that she and I are safe and healthy. (2) love her like crazy.

i'm going to be a mom. its exciting. its totally unreal. and i thank God every night that its with Andrew by my side. let the show begin...

peace, erin

And the time stands still....

So while this may be one of my last posts as a preggo lady, I realize that, ironically, life has been so busy lately I have forgotten to post anything! This is ironic because life is about to get MUCH busier in a very, very good way. We are officially ready for our little bundle of Ross and eagerly awaiting any sign of labor. On a positive note, everyone now picks up my phone calls on the first ring thinking I will tell them to head to the hospital. I thought several times that playing a joke and acting like my water broke would be hilarious... but Andrew thinks that it's probably only going to be funny to me.

Anyway, it has been a good few weeks, but I have definitely reached the 'uncomfortable' phase of pregnancy. I'm just blessed that it didn't find me until now. I am, and have been, so unbelievably thankful for the pregnancy that we have had. Andrew told me long ago that he hoped we got the hard part out of the way with the conception, and hopefully.... he was right. Of course, labor is a whole other ball game.

At our 39 week appointment I was told I was one cm dilated (which I know can mean NOTHING), but nonetheless, we were excited to be moving in the right direction. Since then, I'm hopeful that we have gained another 2-3 cm.. we will see on Tuesday morning. However, unfortunately, little miss Chloe has not moved her head from the 'sunny side-up' position. This basically means her face is pointing up towards my pelvic bone, instead of down towards my back. This apparently makes labor more painful and, as I was reminded by my doctor- this may not change because Chloe is already so low. Well... one week later, she has dropped further and feels like she's headed out soon.

I must admit, this raises my anxiety about labor a little, but not much. My dad assures me an epidural works just as well and thus, I find peace in the meds once again :) For now, I'm trying just about everything I can think of to help me with the intense back pain. Ughhh. Not wanting to be a chicken about this labor thing, but MAN it would be nice if feeling like this meant she was on her way. I can't even trust that's the case yet.

But at this point, we are 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Wahooo! I officially feel and look like a beluga whale. Pictures are no longer cute/fun/worth taking. Andrew wanted to document my belly at this point, but that picture will not be making an appearance on Facebook anytime soon. But, whale or not, I'm SO unbelievably excited to meet Chloe that I don't really care what I look like anymore. I started dreaming about her last night. I met her and she was beautiful, but she (strangely) was already talking and extremely sarcastic. I thought it was hilarious, but was nervous that she was going to get in trouble in the nursery. Haha. I told her to be respectful. Very odd, but made me wake up laughing.

Perhaps next post will be one showing pictures of our sweet little Chloe. I feel like I've been pregnant for at least 15 months, so maybe its actually an elephant, not a baby. Either way, I'm glad its almost over. I think I've decided that while being pregnant is a gift, being a mom is a bigger gift. Plus, you can have wine and deli meat as a mom, and that's just fabulous.

Come on, Chloe. WE ARE READY!!!!! Love, Mom

Peace,
Erin

2 years of wedded bliss...

Andrew and I celebrated our two year anniversary this weekend (and the rest of today)! How lucky am I to be able to spend my life with such an amazing partner. And, I can honestly say we spent every minute enjoying each other and the last few weeks as a two-person family (even though we always say we're about to be a family of five, because dogs count as people in this household.)

We are truly blessed and spent the weekend celebrating just how lucky we are.

So, in order to do so, we went back to the place the magic happened two years ago (Westin La Cantera Resort). For those of you that spent that weekend celebrating with us, I'm hoping you remember that as a great weekend. We had the time of our lives. literally- one of the best nights/weekends of my life. just perfect.

So, we arrived to the resort yesterday and I drove the golf cart while Andrew played a round of golf. the course was gorgeous and it ended up being such a beautiful, peaceful afternoon. not only was i in charge of driving and scorekeeping (although he wished i didnt...), I also was the photographer for the day. here are a few from the afternoon...

before we left :)

definitely hot. definitely ready for the pro tour.

me trying to be artistic. instead, capturing trees that now look purple.

definitely artistic. we wanted to capture our anniversary date... 11/7. yes, thank you, we ARE creative. pay no mind to the bulging belly in the first number 1.

just a cool scene..

then later that night, we spent the evening at Francesca's- the fancy restaurant in the hotel. im always worried at restaurants that nice b/c i'm clearly NOT that nice. but, we had a blast and i even ate quail. poor, little cute bird. i made andrew eat the areas closest to the baby wing bones. that's just not right. but, it WAS delicious.

i love us.

just wanted everyone to see a large marge party barge OUT of water. mental note: this dress makes me look REALLY FAT. dont put it on again.

we exchanged fun little gifts and had a wonderful night. we brought our 'box' to the hotel and read through old cards, gifts, and the notes we wrote to each other on the morning of our wedding day. andrew and i both felt we could have written those today. they are just awesome to read, two years later. our love has grown tremendously since that day, but it remains unfaltered and completely unconditional. we are anxious and excited to watch and feel it grow with the birth of our sweet chloe.

i think that things that have made us so very happy these last few years are the same things that attracted us to each other four years ago.
1. fierce loyalty
2. a constant desire to communicate better
3. amazing passion
4. honesty...always.
5. a LOT of laughing (we think we're hilarious).

plus, have i mentioned that he's hot?

peace,
erin

Ready, Set, WAIT.

While I realize I am only 34 1/2 weeks pregnant, I have reached the stage where I'm nesting, uncomfortable and most importantly READY for Chloe's arrival. At some point over the last week I realized that throughout all the things I have prepared for, worked hard to be and have anticipated happening in my life, being a mother fits best.

You know, I have laughed in the past at the thought of me being in charge of another life...(especially when I think back to what my priorities were in college). However, there is nothing I want more (other than to be Andrew's partner for the rest of my life) than to be Chloe's mom. It's the coolest feeling ever to feel peaceful in that role. I'm sure my friends with kiddos can attest to this. It's peaceful and yet, so unbelievably exciting. I find myself day dreaming about singing with her in the car, having fun conversations with her about life, and even just pushing the her around the neighborhood in the stroller while she happily dangles her feet. I want her to love life the way I do. I want her to question everything and love unconditionally. I want her to never feel the need to settle and most importantly, feel empowered to be authentic. Big goals, I know. But there isn't a doubt in my mind that Andrew and I can be great parents. It feels nice to have that confidence in myself and in my amazing husband.

So now, we are left to wait. I have, from the beginning, felt that Chloe was coming early. I have no reason to feel that way and recently have assumed that its because I WANT her to be here already. However, everyone else seems to think she's coming late. While a healthy, happy baby girl is absolutely the primary goal.... I've never been good at being patient.

We go next Tuesday for our 36 week appointment. At that time, they will tell us how much she's weighing, the current status of my placental lakes, and what direction she is currently facing. We already know she is head down (thank goodness), but she was last seen "sunny side-up" which is destined to be a painful delivery. So, we're hoping she has turned and is facing my spine now. Apparently, this is the natural positioning b/c its easier on the mom during delivery. But, if this is any indication of what she'll be like out of womb, then I fully expect her to remain "sunny side-up" for the heck of it. :)

I will update again after that appointment and let everyone know the status of our Chloe. Until then, think happy thoughts and say some prayers that she remains healthy, active and stays wherever she needs to stay (regardless of an impatient mother!)

Peace,
Erin

Baby Mama movie, take two.

so its been a while since i've updated. sorry about that. life has been totally crazy in the ross household lately.

as i write, andrew is currently riding in the MS150 race that he has worked very hard to train for. i heard from him about 2 hours ago and they had 30 miles left to ride for the day. its 70 something today and 60 more tomorrow. not exactly 150 miles like it advertises, but that's because they've recently changed the route. i'm sure the riders don't mind cutting off 20 or miles :) anyway, he's doing great and i'm headed up to new braunfels in an hour to hang out with him and eat some BBQ :)

life is good. but i do find myself (as i seem to always do with big life events), daydreaming about the next stage. i have a hard time staying in the moment when i'm excited and/or nervous. in this case, i'm both.. i suppose.

we spent all of last saturday at our child birthing class and while it was (mostly) good, we both came away frustrated at the last half of the day. here is why...

i am ALL FOR having as natural of a birthing process as possible. i think its a natural experience, healthy for the baby (to a point) and good for the soul. HOWEVER, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. some women need a cesearean section. some women are not as pain tolerant (ahem). and some women have complications that call for varying medical interventions during the birthing process. but, as i try to live/remember each day... "if you want to hear God laugh, tell him YOUR plans." i know this going into the process of birthing. but what frustrated me during our class was that the information shared was EXTREMELY biased towards having a completely natural birthing experience. the moral of the story was that medicine was BAD, DANGEROUS and should be avoided, if possible.

PSSHHHHH.

maybe its because i've grown up around medicine my entire life. maybe its because i feel bad for the women who were told this for 8 hours non-stop and, in the end, may not have a choice. maybe its because i have a deep love of narcotics. i don't know, but i do know that this biased information is not true.

i left the class completely irritated at what information was given to us... by a representative of the hospital, no doubt. she made epidurals seems horrific and the idea of a c-section to be dangerous and very complicated. i agree, it IS an invasive surgery. do i WANT one? not really. will i be less of a woman if i have one? Nope. that's just dumb and really... women have enough negative dialogues playing around in their head regarding motherhood. let's not add to it, 'k nurse tammy?

anyway, just a little vent. i was sad for one lady in particular. she explained at the beginning that she was ONLY interested in a natural, silent birth. she wanted to birth at home until necessary. FINE, GREAT. she then sat through 8 hours of terrible stories about c-sections and medication and then told the class that she was 37 weeks pregnant and that her baby was breach and sunny side up (and she was uninterested in trying the inversion technique). well, crap on you. does it count as natural if c-section is the only option? she was completely defeated and depressed by the time the class was over. not the kind of attitude one hopes to have prior to bringing a child into this world.

as for me... andrew and i played out the scene in baby mama very nicely. we (and by we, i mean me) bounced on our exercise ball and excitedly exclaimed our plans for a epidural. we quickly became 'that couple.' as if that's a surprise to anyone, really.

we even got to have a little giggle moment in which our instructor advised us to begin "rubbing olive/mineral oil on my perineum to stretch the skin." that makes me laugh just to type it. but, for anyone that knows the baby mama movie... you know that you need to say that last sentence with a lisp. there are no exceptions. so, of course when our instructor did not have a lisp, i added one for special effects. she was not as impressed and andrew and i were. (i know... i'm the most mature sex therapist you know.)

so, anyway.. we are 33 weeks. that's awesome. some of my friends had already delivered their babies by this time and that blows my mind. every time i say i'm ready for her to be here, i have to stop myself. she's not ready yet. still needs a few more weeks to cook. but MAN, this last few weeks really tests the patience (of which i have little). but we are thrilled. everything is set up. clothes (all of them) are washed and smell devine and baby-like. both of her rooms are 90% done. its getting real. how cool is that? someone upstairs thinks its a good idea that we raise a child.

and i agree... we're pumped.

oh, and here is my latest baby bump picture. excuse the "i might fall over if you don't take this picture" look that i was sporting. it was midnight and you can tell.. ;)

peace, erin

30 weeks...woah.

Today we had our 30 week check-up (a few days early) and everything is great! I went into this appointment a bit nervous simply because I was spending a bit too much time listening to people who shouldn't matter.

You know.. it's amazing what people will say and assume is 'okay' because you're pregnant. And the truth is, I knew this. I knew to watch out for the 'creepy tummy toucher,' 'the negative nancy,' and the 'food police.' But honestly, I can say I wasn't ready for the 'I'm gonna camouflage my concern with a compliment' person. That's the person that makes me INSANE. For example:

#1: "Hey, you look great! How far along are you?"

Me (I smile, very pleased at the compliment): "7 months and counting! We are so excited!"

#1 (Facial expression change): "Huh...[pause. index finger tapping lips]... Weird. I wouldn't have guessed that. Is the baby okay? Your stomach looks small."

Me: I smile and try to disappear.

Okay, how about this one:

#2: How have you stayed so fit?

Me (Clearly impressed by this flattery): Oh, I just try to watch what I eat most of the time. But honestly, I've tried to stay sane though and definitely submit to my cravings. Gotta have my sweets.. Ha. ha. ha.

#2: Oh, yeah, I mean because you don't eat healthy, really. I would be HUGE if I ate like you. Are you allowed to have that much fried food?

So you see, some people suck. Ellen DeGeneres has a stand-up routine that is perfect for this occasion. She makes a joke that people often use the 'Just Kidding' to cover up something that is not really nice at all. "Did you PAY for that haircut? Just Kidding."

No, actually you're not. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said it. And while we may WANT to say that, what actually happens is that we begin to doubt ourselves just a bit.And that's what happened over the last few weeks for me. I began to doubt the health of my child based on some idiot's caring person's comment.

Those moments make me wish I had a camera on me, just like Jim from The Office. We all have those moments... the 'Yep, she/he REALLY just said that." All Jim has to do is silently look up at the camera with a blank stare and we all just know. We all know that people are ridiculous. We all know those people that do it for the sake of doing it. And in some cases, those people truly don't have a CLUE they are saying something rude. Hard to believe sometimes, but I think it's true. But, in Jim's case, the camera seems to give him validation that at least someone else heard/saw that moment as it really was. Now that I think about it, I wish I had a 'Jim camera' on me for most of my day.

But anyway, back to our happy visit today. Baby girl's head is officially down and ready, she's kicking up a storm and she's growing PERFECTLY. My belly is 30cm for 30 weeks. So, I may appear to be 'small' to some, but I'm really not. So there.

But honestly, thanks to everyone for all the feedback- positive and negative.
Just Kidding.


I'll leave you with a few fun pictures from the fabulous baby shower that my co-workers threw for me this last weekend. Chloe got all kinds of fabulous outfits, toys and cutesy baby things. The attention to detail placed into making things special was just awesome. Thanks again, you guys!

Peace, Erin

We've got PLENTY of time.... OH wait.

So, this entire pregnancy I've been chastised, laughed at, and gotten a good 'ol eye roll from (ahem, certain family members) about how 'ready' I want everything to be for Chloe's arrival. They've scoffed at my "attention to detail" and told me to settle down. But, honestly, let's be rationale...What if I deliver early? What if she comes before the showers? What if someone pops out of some bushes and starts quizzing me on my motherhood knowledge?

So in order to calm my nerves throughout this journey, I have joined consumer reports, planned out the timing of her showers (as much as possible) and have already washed every single piece of clothing for her in this house- with approved detergent. Also, I even have a birthing plan (a.k.a working on my birthing playlist to be played on the ipod at the hospital).

Ain't NO thang.

Words I have heard in conjunction with my name: (in no order of hurtfulness)
Neurotic
Looney
Nuts
Over-the-top
Control Freak
OCD Queen

Sticks and stones people. sticks. and. stones.

So, perhaps at ONE POINT in this pregnancy, they had a point. But no longer, my friends. As I find myself in the 28th week, I also find that I am now frequently saying "Oh, I'll need to take care of that..." "I'll get that done soon." But, then it dawned on me today that that's no longer true.

I NEED to take care of that NOW. I may have really cute bedding picked out and that stroller decision (albeit, a tough one) has been made. However, how about things that MATTER? (i.e. pediatrician, diapers, carseats). I think I need to perhaps kick it into gear.

So, we've (ahem, I) have reorganized my priority list and it goes like this...

1. Make sure Chloe likes good music. Make sure Chloe has a place to sleep.

2. Find cute decor accessories for her room. Figure out how her carseat will fit into my car (still not sure about this one).

3. Buy her adorable clothes for her first Cancun trip. Interview pediatricians.

You get the picture. My priorities are better now. Especially since all the showers (yes, all 5 of them) are just around the corner. Getting the essentials for her makes me feel more prepared for motherhood.

P.S.- if you're wondering who needs 5 showers, Chloe does. Thank you very much.

Speaking of, Andrew, Chloe and I were 'showered' by such amazing family, friends and loved ones this last Saturday. The best sister-in-laws in the world (Andrea, Alisha and Amanda) hosted the most beautiful occasion. We had a blast hanging out with friends and family and got some GREAT new things for baby girl.

I have to tell you about this game that Amanda created for the shower. So, because our pregnancy/conception story isn't what one would call 'normal' she decided that she would add to the original 'pin the tail on the donkey' game, to celebrate our 'differences.'

She created a 'pin the sperm on the egg in a petri dish' game. It. was. hilarious. She made a poster with a picture of my preggo self and a giant petri dish with an egg in it. Guests were blindfolded and given a little colorful 'sperm.' This weren't just any sperm, but you don't have to take my word for it... take a closer look:

So, you see, my Andrew has pretty impressive, tatooed sperm. (And, please note that his sperm arm tatoo says "chloe". It proves he's a family man. But, really, normal isn't in our vocabulary and that shouldn't be a shock to anyone. As a side note, and to point out the irony, I'd like to mention the two men involved in the game were the FARTHEST from the egg (see below and noted the blue sperm on the left side of the window.) I'm just sayin'.... practice doesn't always make perfect.

Anyway, beautiful, amazing day filled with love. We had a blast and are so very grateful for our families. I'll leave ya with some of the pics from the shindig. And for the record, my brother, Taylor, is fabulously talented and had much to do with the beauty of the decor. thanks, tate... you rock in so many ways.

Peace, Erin