While I realize I am only 34 1/2 weeks pregnant, I have reached the stage where I'm nesting, uncomfortable and most importantly READY for Chloe's arrival. At some point over the last week I realized that throughout all the things I have prepared for, worked hard to be and have anticipated happening in my life, being a mother fits best.
You know, I have laughed in the past at the thought of me being in charge of another life...(especially when I think back to what my priorities were in college). However, there is nothing I want more (other than to be Andrew's partner for the rest of my life) than to be Chloe's mom. It's the coolest feeling ever to feel peaceful in that role. I'm sure my friends with kiddos can attest to this. It's peaceful and yet, so unbelievably exciting. I find myself day dreaming about singing with her in the car, having fun conversations with her about life, and even just pushing the her around the neighborhood in the stroller while she happily dangles her feet. I want her to love life the way I do. I want her to question everything and love unconditionally. I want her to never feel the need to settle and most importantly, feel empowered to be authentic. Big goals, I know. But there isn't a doubt in my mind that Andrew and I can be great parents. It feels nice to have that confidence in myself and in my amazing husband.
So now, we are left to wait. I have, from the beginning, felt that Chloe was coming early. I have no reason to feel that way and recently have assumed that its because I WANT her to be here already. However, everyone else seems to think she's coming late. While a healthy, happy baby girl is absolutely the primary goal.... I've never been good at being patient.
We go next Tuesday for our 36 week appointment. At that time, they will tell us how much she's weighing, the current status of my placental lakes, and what direction she is currently facing. We already know she is head down (thank goodness), but she was last seen "sunny side-up" which is destined to be a painful delivery. So, we're hoping she has turned and is facing my spine now. Apparently, this is the natural positioning b/c its easier on the mom during delivery. But, if this is any indication of what she'll be like out of womb, then I fully expect her to remain "sunny side-up" for the heck of it. :)
I will update again after that appointment and let everyone know the status of our Chloe. Until then, think happy thoughts and say some prayers that she remains healthy, active and stays wherever she needs to stay (regardless of an impatient mother!)
Peace,
Erin
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Baby Mama movie, take two.
so its been a while since i've updated. sorry about that. life has been totally crazy in the ross household lately.
as i write, andrew is currently riding in the MS150 race that he has worked very hard to train for. i heard from him about 2 hours ago and they had 30 miles left to ride for the day. its 70 something today and 60 more tomorrow. not exactly 150 miles like it advertises, but that's because they've recently changed the route. i'm sure the riders don't mind cutting off 20 or miles :) anyway, he's doing great and i'm headed up to new braunfels in an hour to hang out with him and eat some BBQ :)
life is good. but i do find myself (as i seem to always do with big life events), daydreaming about the next stage. i have a hard time staying in the moment when i'm excited and/or nervous. in this case, i'm both.. i suppose.
we spent all of last saturday at our child birthing class and while it was (mostly) good, we both came away frustrated at the last half of the day. here is why...
i am ALL FOR having as natural of a birthing process as possible. i think its a natural experience, healthy for the baby (to a point) and good for the soul. HOWEVER, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. some women need a cesearean section. some women are not as pain tolerant (ahem). and some women have complications that call for varying medical interventions during the birthing process. but, as i try to live/remember each day... "if you want to hear God laugh, tell him YOUR plans." i know this going into the process of birthing. but what frustrated me during our class was that the information shared was EXTREMELY biased towards having a completely natural birthing experience. the moral of the story was that medicine was BAD, DANGEROUS and should be avoided, if possible.
PSSHHHHH.
maybe its because i've grown up around medicine my entire life. maybe its because i feel bad for the women who were told this for 8 hours non-stop and, in the end, may not have a choice. maybe its because i have a deep love of narcotics. i don't know, but i do know that this biased information is not true.
i left the class completely irritated at what information was given to us... by a representative of the hospital, no doubt. she made epidurals seems horrific and the idea of a c-section to be dangerous and very complicated. i agree, it IS an invasive surgery. do i WANT one? not really. will i be less of a woman if i have one? Nope. that's just dumb and really... women have enough negative dialogues playing around in their head regarding motherhood. let's not add to it, 'k nurse tammy?
anyway, just a little vent. i was sad for one lady in particular. she explained at the beginning that she was ONLY interested in a natural, silent birth. she wanted to birth at home until necessary. FINE, GREAT. she then sat through 8 hours of terrible stories about c-sections and medication and then told the class that she was 37 weeks pregnant and that her baby was breach and sunny side up (and she was uninterested in trying the inversion technique). well, crap on you. does it count as natural if c-section is the only option? she was completely defeated and depressed by the time the class was over. not the kind of attitude one hopes to have prior to bringing a child into this world.
as for me... andrew and i played out the scene in baby mama very nicely. we (and by we, i mean me) bounced on our exercise ball and excitedly exclaimed our plans for a epidural. we quickly became 'that couple.' as if that's a surprise to anyone, really.
we even got to have a little giggle moment in which our instructor advised us to begin "rubbing olive/mineral oil on my perineum to stretch the skin." that makes me laugh just to type it. but, for anyone that knows the baby mama movie... you know that you need to say that last sentence with a lisp. there are no exceptions. so, of course when our instructor did not have a lisp, i added one for special effects. she was not as impressed and andrew and i were. (i know... i'm the most mature sex therapist you know.)
so, anyway.. we are 33 weeks. that's awesome. some of my friends had already delivered their babies by this time and that blows my mind. every time i say i'm ready for her to be here, i have to stop myself. she's not ready yet. still needs a few more weeks to cook. but MAN, this last few weeks really tests the patience (of which i have little). but we are thrilled. everything is set up. clothes (all of them) are washed and smell devine and baby-like. both of her rooms are 90% done. its getting real. how cool is that? someone upstairs thinks its a good idea that we raise a child.
and i agree... we're pumped.
oh, and here is my latest baby bump picture. excuse the "i might fall over if you don't take this picture" look that i was sporting. it was midnight and you can tell.. ;)
peace, erin
as i write, andrew is currently riding in the MS150 race that he has worked very hard to train for. i heard from him about 2 hours ago and they had 30 miles left to ride for the day. its 70 something today and 60 more tomorrow. not exactly 150 miles like it advertises, but that's because they've recently changed the route. i'm sure the riders don't mind cutting off 20 or miles :) anyway, he's doing great and i'm headed up to new braunfels in an hour to hang out with him and eat some BBQ :)
life is good. but i do find myself (as i seem to always do with big life events), daydreaming about the next stage. i have a hard time staying in the moment when i'm excited and/or nervous. in this case, i'm both.. i suppose.
we spent all of last saturday at our child birthing class and while it was (mostly) good, we both came away frustrated at the last half of the day. here is why...
i am ALL FOR having as natural of a birthing process as possible. i think its a natural experience, healthy for the baby (to a point) and good for the soul. HOWEVER, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. some women need a cesearean section. some women are not as pain tolerant (ahem). and some women have complications that call for varying medical interventions during the birthing process. but, as i try to live/remember each day... "if you want to hear God laugh, tell him YOUR plans." i know this going into the process of birthing. but what frustrated me during our class was that the information shared was EXTREMELY biased towards having a completely natural birthing experience. the moral of the story was that medicine was BAD, DANGEROUS and should be avoided, if possible.
PSSHHHHH.
maybe its because i've grown up around medicine my entire life. maybe its because i feel bad for the women who were told this for 8 hours non-stop and, in the end, may not have a choice. maybe its because i have a deep love of narcotics. i don't know, but i do know that this biased information is not true.
i left the class completely irritated at what information was given to us... by a representative of the hospital, no doubt. she made epidurals seems horrific and the idea of a c-section to be dangerous and very complicated. i agree, it IS an invasive surgery. do i WANT one? not really. will i be less of a woman if i have one? Nope. that's just dumb and really... women have enough negative dialogues playing around in their head regarding motherhood. let's not add to it, 'k nurse tammy?
anyway, just a little vent. i was sad for one lady in particular. she explained at the beginning that she was ONLY interested in a natural, silent birth. she wanted to birth at home until necessary. FINE, GREAT. she then sat through 8 hours of terrible stories about c-sections and medication and then told the class that she was 37 weeks pregnant and that her baby was breach and sunny side up (and she was uninterested in trying the inversion technique). well, crap on you. does it count as natural if c-section is the only option? she was completely defeated and depressed by the time the class was over. not the kind of attitude one hopes to have prior to bringing a child into this world.
as for me... andrew and i played out the scene in baby mama very nicely. we (and by we, i mean me) bounced on our exercise ball and excitedly exclaimed our plans for a epidural. we quickly became 'that couple.' as if that's a surprise to anyone, really.
we even got to have a little giggle moment in which our instructor advised us to begin "rubbing olive/mineral oil on my perineum to stretch the skin." that makes me laugh just to type it. but, for anyone that knows the baby mama movie... you know that you need to say that last sentence with a lisp. there are no exceptions. so, of course when our instructor did not have a lisp, i added one for special effects. she was not as impressed and andrew and i were. (i know... i'm the most mature sex therapist you know.)
so, anyway.. we are 33 weeks. that's awesome. some of my friends had already delivered their babies by this time and that blows my mind. every time i say i'm ready for her to be here, i have to stop myself. she's not ready yet. still needs a few more weeks to cook. but MAN, this last few weeks really tests the patience (of which i have little). but we are thrilled. everything is set up. clothes (all of them) are washed and smell devine and baby-like. both of her rooms are 90% done. its getting real. how cool is that? someone upstairs thinks its a good idea that we raise a child.
and i agree... we're pumped.
oh, and here is my latest baby bump picture. excuse the "i might fall over if you don't take this picture" look that i was sporting. it was midnight and you can tell.. ;)
peace, erin
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
30 weeks...woah.
Today we had our 30 week check-up (a few days early) and everything is great! I went into this appointment a bit nervous simply because I was spending a bit too much time listening to people who shouldn't matter.
You know.. it's amazing what people will say and assume is 'okay' because you're pregnant. And the truth is, I knew this. I knew to watch out for the 'creepy tummy toucher,' 'the negative nancy,' and the 'food police.' But honestly, I can say I wasn't ready for the 'I'm gonna camouflage my concern with a compliment' person. That's the person that makes me INSANE. For example:
So you see, some people suck. Ellen DeGeneres has a stand-up routine that is perfect for this occasion. She makes a joke that people often use the 'Just Kidding' to cover up something that is not really nice at all. "Did you PAY for that haircut? Just Kidding."
No, actually you're not. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said it. And while we may WANT to say that, what actually happens is that we begin to doubt ourselves just a bit.And that's what happened over the last few weeks for me. I began to doubt the health of my child based on someidiot's caring person's comment.
Those moments make me wish I had a camera on me, just like Jim from The Office. We all have those moments... the 'Yep, she/he REALLY just said that." All Jim has to do is silently look up at the camera with a blank stare and we all just know. We all know that people are ridiculous. We all know those people that do it for the sake of doing it. And in some cases, those people truly don't have a CLUE they are saying something rude. Hard to believe sometimes, but I think it's true. But, in Jim's case, the camera seems to give him validation that at least someone else heard/saw that moment as it really was. Now that I think about it, I wish I had a 'Jim camera' on me for most of my day.
But anyway, back to our happy visit today. Baby girl's head is officially down and ready, she's kicking up a storm and she's growing PERFECTLY. My belly is 30cm for 30 weeks. So, I may appear to be 'small' to some, but I'm really not. So there.
But honestly, thanks to everyone for all the feedback- positive and negative.
Just Kidding.
I'll leave you with a few fun pictures from the fabulous baby shower that my co-workers threw for me this last weekend. Chloe got all kinds of fabulous outfits, toys and cutesy baby things. The attention to detail placed into making things special was just awesome. Thanks again, you guys!
Peace, Erin
You know.. it's amazing what people will say and assume is 'okay' because you're pregnant. And the truth is, I knew this. I knew to watch out for the 'creepy tummy toucher,' 'the negative nancy,' and the 'food police.' But honestly, I can say I wasn't ready for the 'I'm gonna camouflage my concern with a compliment' person. That's the person that makes me INSANE. For example:
#1: "Hey, you look great! How far along are you?"
Me (I smile, very pleased at the compliment): "7 months and counting! We are so excited!"
#1 (Facial expression change): "Huh...[pause. index finger tapping lips]... Weird. I wouldn't have guessed that. Is the baby okay? Your stomach looks small."
Me: I smile and try to disappear.
Okay, how about this one:
#2: How have you stayed so fit?
Me (Clearly impressed by this flattery): Oh, I just try to watch what I eat most of the time. But honestly, I've tried to stay sane though and definitely submit to my cravings. Gotta have my sweets.. Ha. ha. ha.
#2: Oh, yeah, I mean because you don't eat healthy, really. I would be HUGE if I ate like you. Are you allowed to have that much fried food?
So you see, some people suck. Ellen DeGeneres has a stand-up routine that is perfect for this occasion. She makes a joke that people often use the 'Just Kidding' to cover up something that is not really nice at all. "Did you PAY for that haircut? Just Kidding."
No, actually you're not. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said it. And while we may WANT to say that, what actually happens is that we begin to doubt ourselves just a bit.And that's what happened over the last few weeks for me. I began to doubt the health of my child based on some
Those moments make me wish I had a camera on me, just like Jim from The Office. We all have those moments... the 'Yep, she/he REALLY just said that." All Jim has to do is silently look up at the camera with a blank stare and we all just know. We all know that people are ridiculous. We all know those people that do it for the sake of doing it. And in some cases, those people truly don't have a CLUE they are saying something rude. Hard to believe sometimes, but I think it's true. But, in Jim's case, the camera seems to give him validation that at least someone else heard/saw that moment as it really was. Now that I think about it, I wish I had a 'Jim camera' on me for most of my day.
But anyway, back to our happy visit today. Baby girl's head is officially down and ready, she's kicking up a storm and she's growing PERFECTLY. My belly is 30cm for 30 weeks. So, I may appear to be 'small' to some, but I'm really not. So there.
But honestly, thanks to everyone for all the feedback- positive and negative.
Just Kidding.
I'll leave you with a few fun pictures from the fabulous baby shower that my co-workers threw for me this last weekend. Chloe got all kinds of fabulous outfits, toys and cutesy baby things. The attention to detail placed into making things special was just awesome. Thanks again, you guys!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
We've got PLENTY of time.... OH wait.
So, this entire pregnancy I've been chastised, laughed at, and gotten a good 'ol eye roll from (ahem, certain family members) about how 'ready' I want everything to be for Chloe's arrival. They've scoffed at my "attention to detail" and told me to settle down. But, honestly, let's be rationale...What if I deliver early? What if she comes before the showers? What if someone pops out of some bushes and starts quizzing me on my motherhood knowledge?
So in order to calm my nerves throughout this journey, I have joined consumer reports, planned out the timing of her showers (as much as possible) and have already washed every single piece of clothing for her in this house- with approved detergent. Also, I even have a birthing plan (a.k.a working on my birthing playlist to be played on the ipod at the hospital).
Ain't NO thang.
Words I have heard in conjunction with my name: (in no order of hurtfulness)
Neurotic
Looney
Nuts
Over-the-top
Control Freak
OCD Queen
Sticks and stones people. sticks. and. stones.
So, perhaps at ONE POINT in this pregnancy, they had a point. But no longer, my friends. As I find myself in the 28th week, I also find that I am now frequently saying "Oh, I'll need to take care of that..." "I'll get that done soon." But, then it dawned on me today that that's no longer true.
I NEED to take care of that NOW. I may have really cute bedding picked out and that stroller decision (albeit, a tough one) has been made. However, how about things that MATTER? (i.e. pediatrician, diapers, carseats). I think I need to perhaps kick it into gear.
So, we've (ahem, I) have reorganized my priority list and it goes like this...
1.Make sure Chloe likes good music. Make sure Chloe has a place to sleep.
2.Find cute decor accessories for her room. Figure out how her carseat will fit into my car (still not sure about this one).
3.Buy her adorable clothes for her first Cancun trip. Interview pediatricians.
You get the picture. My priorities are better now. Especially since all the showers (yes, all 5 of them) are just around the corner. Getting the essentials for her makes me feel more prepared for motherhood.
P.S.- if you're wondering who needs 5 showers, Chloe does. Thank you very much.
Speaking of, Andrew, Chloe and I were 'showered' by such amazing family, friends and loved ones this last Saturday. The best sister-in-laws in the world (Andrea, Alisha and Amanda) hosted the most beautiful occasion. We had a blast hanging out with friends and family and got some GREAT new things for baby girl.
I have to tell you about this game that Amanda created for the shower. So, because our pregnancy/conception story isn't what one would call 'normal' she decided that she would add to the original 'pin the tail on the donkey' game, to celebrate our 'differences.'
She created a 'pin the sperm on the egg in a petri dish' game. It. was. hilarious. She made a poster with a picture of my preggo self and a giant petri dish with an egg in it. Guests were blindfolded and given a little colorful 'sperm.' This weren't just any sperm, but you don't have to take my word for it... take a closer look:
So, you see, my Andrew has pretty impressive, tatooed sperm. (And, please note that his sperm arm tatoo says "chloe". It proves he's a family man. But, really, normal isn't in our vocabulary and that shouldn't be a shock to anyone. As a side note, and to point out the irony, I'd like to mention the two men involved in the game were the FARTHEST from the egg (see below and noted the blue sperm on the left side of the window.) I'm just sayin'.... practice doesn't always make perfect.
Anyway, beautiful, amazing day filled with love. We had a blast and are so very grateful for our families. I'll leave ya with some of the pics from the shindig. And for the record, my brother, Taylor, is fabulously talented and had much to do with the beauty of the decor. thanks, tate... you rock in so many ways.
Peace, Erin
So in order to calm my nerves throughout this journey, I have joined consumer reports, planned out the timing of her showers (as much as possible) and have already washed every single piece of clothing for her in this house- with approved detergent. Also, I even have a birthing plan (a.k.a working on my birthing playlist to be played on the ipod at the hospital).
Ain't NO thang.
Words I have heard in conjunction with my name: (in no order of hurtfulness)
Neurotic
Looney
Nuts
Over-the-top
Control Freak
OCD Queen
Sticks and stones people. sticks. and. stones.
So, perhaps at ONE POINT in this pregnancy, they had a point. But no longer, my friends. As I find myself in the 28th week, I also find that I am now frequently saying "Oh, I'll need to take care of that..." "I'll get that done soon." But, then it dawned on me today that that's no longer true.
I NEED to take care of that NOW. I may have really cute bedding picked out and that stroller decision (albeit, a tough one) has been made. However, how about things that MATTER? (i.e. pediatrician, diapers, carseats). I think I need to perhaps kick it into gear.
So, we've (ahem, I) have reorganized my priority list and it goes like this...
1.
2.
3.
You get the picture. My priorities are better now. Especially since all the showers (yes, all 5 of them) are just around the corner. Getting the essentials for her makes me feel more prepared for motherhood.
P.S.- if you're wondering who needs 5 showers, Chloe does. Thank you very much.
Speaking of, Andrew, Chloe and I were 'showered' by such amazing family, friends and loved ones this last Saturday. The best sister-in-laws in the world (Andrea, Alisha and Amanda) hosted the most beautiful occasion. We had a blast hanging out with friends and family and got some GREAT new things for baby girl.
I have to tell you about this game that Amanda created for the shower. So, because our pregnancy/conception story isn't what one would call 'normal' she decided that she would add to the original 'pin the tail on the donkey' game, to celebrate our 'differences.'
She created a 'pin the sperm on the egg in a petri dish' game. It. was. hilarious. She made a poster with a picture of my preggo self and a giant petri dish with an egg in it. Guests were blindfolded and given a little colorful 'sperm.' This weren't just any sperm, but you don't have to take my word for it... take a closer look:
So, you see, my Andrew has pretty impressive, tatooed sperm. (And, please note that his sperm arm tatoo says "chloe". It proves he's a family man. But, really, normal isn't in our vocabulary and that shouldn't be a shock to anyone. As a side note, and to point out the irony, I'd like to mention the two men involved in the game were the FARTHEST from the egg (see below and noted the blue sperm on the left side of the window.) I'm just sayin'.... practice doesn't always make perfect.
Anyway, beautiful, amazing day filled with love. We had a blast and are so very grateful for our families. I'll leave ya with some of the pics from the shindig. And for the record, my brother, Taylor, is fabulously talented and had much to do with the beauty of the decor. thanks, tate... you rock in so many ways.
Peace, Erin
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'm not nervous... and that's a big deal.
I like the sound of that. I'm not nervous. AND we're six months and one week along. That's sexy. It sounds like I'm actually getting closer to having a baby. How cool is that?
I was having a conversation a few days ago about mom anxiety and when it starts to 'hit you' that you're soon to have a watermelon to push through your body. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm hoping for something only as wide as a coconut or something a wee bit smaller. And honestly, a watermelon would mean a FAT baby. So, for sanity's sake let's go with coconut.
I mean, maybe I'm too far out still, but I'm honestly not nervous, only excited. Which is weird for a neurotic, OCD, anxiety-ridden human. In fact, its downright creepy. But, I'll tell ya what, I really haven't been that big of a nervous freak all pregnancy. Ok, ok, a little bit of a freak, but I that's just genetic.
But, anyway we've had an interesting, but good past week. The magical 24 weeks marker has come and gone and we are all healthy and happy.
So, we went back to the doctor for our 24 week check up and to get a few things measured that they couldn't see on the ultrasound last time. Okay, fine. I'll buy that. We go in, everything looks 'awesome' and Chloe is adorbs as usual. We got some fabulous pictures, including a surprise 3D picture in which Chloe appears to be smoking a Doobie. Awesome. See what cool parents we are? We let her smoke pot before she's even born. She can never say she doesn't have freedom to make her own choices.
Okay, so it's really just her cord, no worries. You can put down the phone and not feel the need to call Child Protective Services. Andrew and I are FULLY aware that she's not old enough to smoke pot yet.
So anyway, things look good. Oh! And the little chunk-a-monk is nearly two pounds and is in the 58% percentile for weight. That-a-girl. We are proud and relieved. We hope she's going to be big and healthy baby (except, smaller than a watermelon).
So the next day, I have to go back and meet with our doctor because she wasn't available to see us on our ultrasound day. Irritating, but okay. Andrew can't make it (first time EVER) because of work. But, it's no biggie... I've got this.
I pee in a cup. They take my blood pressure and everything is peachy. The doctor comes in, smiles and says, "Everything is looking great AND the Lakes haven't grown at all."
Silence. crickets. silence. Blank stare.
"Huh?"
She looks at me and says, "Oh, I thought they told you.... well ,its no biggie."
I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I keep staring.
She proceeds to tell me (remember i'm BY MYSELF) that they have been tracking several placental venous lakes that have been present on the ultrasounds since week 20 and that they haven't grown at all.
Well, dandy. My lakes are stagnant. wth does THAT mean?
And for the record... PLACENTAL LAKES? Really? They couldn't think of anything else to call those things? Sounds like a low income housing subdivision on the wrong side of town.
And for those of you in the dark on this.. and I'm assuming that includes most everyone on this planet...placental lakes are enlarged spaces in the placenta filled with maternal blood. Yumm. Basically, what this means is that there are pockets of blood (sorry, this is kinda gross) resting between my placenta and the uterus that CAN (but NOT necessarily) restrict growth in the baby. However, that only normally happens should they get really big and ugly. And, as our doctor explained, she would have already probably seen them grow.
Mine, you ask? Well, mine are stagnant and small... [read: WAHOO! I can't grow a good lake!]
Here is an example of what they look like on an ultrasound... but these ARENT mine. Mine are way cuter with little trees and a sailboat...
So, that made me slightly anxious and made me want to bite into the crazy apple. But, I haven't. She told me to stay OFF the Internet repeatedly and not worry. Nothing would change about my treatment and that Chloe was fine. Plus, she's two pounds. That's not the sign of a growth restricted baby.
I smiled, asked a few questions and left the office.
I went home and got on the Internet.
You dont know my life. Don't judge.
It helps! It really does. Here, I'll explain... I am fully aware that there is ALL kinds of nonsense on there. Lots of untrue, exaggerated and completely unverifiable stories that only serve to scare me, my family and cause undue stress to the baby. But, I read the research. I like to know my odds. For me, knowledge equals peacefulness. And its not just one or two articles, mind you. I think its been about 20. And I feel good. Being a good researcher pays off. I'm no longer worried and even though you may not get it, I get it. I'm neurotic.
So, long story short, I'm feeling good. I'm actually thinking I may not freak out during this pregnancy and am left feeling pretty impressed by that. We are so beautifully blessed. Chloe is happy, doing well and still likes good music.
Peace, Erin
I was having a conversation a few days ago about mom anxiety and when it starts to 'hit you' that you're soon to have a watermelon to push through your body. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm hoping for something only as wide as a coconut or something a wee bit smaller. And honestly, a watermelon would mean a FAT baby. So, for sanity's sake let's go with coconut.
I mean, maybe I'm too far out still, but I'm honestly not nervous, only excited. Which is weird for a neurotic, OCD, anxiety-ridden human. In fact, its downright creepy. But, I'll tell ya what, I really haven't been that big of a nervous freak all pregnancy. Ok, ok, a little bit of a freak, but I that's just genetic.
But, anyway we've had an interesting, but good past week. The magical 24 weeks marker has come and gone and we are all healthy and happy.
So, we went back to the doctor for our 24 week check up and to get a few things measured that they couldn't see on the ultrasound last time. Okay, fine. I'll buy that. We go in, everything looks 'awesome' and Chloe is adorbs as usual. We got some fabulous pictures, including a surprise 3D picture in which Chloe appears to be smoking a Doobie. Awesome. See what cool parents we are? We let her smoke pot before she's even born. She can never say she doesn't have freedom to make her own choices.
Okay, so it's really just her cord, no worries. You can put down the phone and not feel the need to call Child Protective Services. Andrew and I are FULLY aware that she's not old enough to smoke pot yet.
So anyway, things look good. Oh! And the little chunk-a-monk is nearly two pounds and is in the 58% percentile for weight. That-a-girl. We are proud and relieved. We hope she's going to be big and healthy baby (except, smaller than a watermelon).
So the next day, I have to go back and meet with our doctor because she wasn't available to see us on our ultrasound day. Irritating, but okay. Andrew can't make it (first time EVER) because of work. But, it's no biggie... I've got this.
I pee in a cup. They take my blood pressure and everything is peachy. The doctor comes in, smiles and says, "Everything is looking great AND the Lakes haven't grown at all."
Silence. crickets. silence. Blank stare.
"Huh?"
She looks at me and says, "Oh, I thought they told you.... well ,its no biggie."
I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I keep staring.
She proceeds to tell me (remember i'm BY MYSELF) that they have been tracking several placental venous lakes that have been present on the ultrasounds since week 20 and that they haven't grown at all.
Well, dandy. My lakes are stagnant. wth does THAT mean?
And for the record... PLACENTAL LAKES? Really? They couldn't think of anything else to call those things? Sounds like a low income housing subdivision on the wrong side of town.
And for those of you in the dark on this.. and I'm assuming that includes most everyone on this planet...placental lakes are enlarged spaces in the placenta filled with maternal blood. Yumm. Basically, what this means is that there are pockets of blood (sorry, this is kinda gross) resting between my placenta and the uterus that CAN (but NOT necessarily) restrict growth in the baby. However, that only normally happens should they get really big and ugly. And, as our doctor explained, she would have already probably seen them grow.
Mine, you ask? Well, mine are stagnant and small... [read: WAHOO! I can't grow a good lake!]
Here is an example of what they look like on an ultrasound... but these ARENT mine. Mine are way cuter with little trees and a sailboat...
So, that made me slightly anxious and made me want to bite into the crazy apple. But, I haven't. She told me to stay OFF the Internet repeatedly and not worry. Nothing would change about my treatment and that Chloe was fine. Plus, she's two pounds. That's not the sign of a growth restricted baby.
I smiled, asked a few questions and left the office.
I went home and got on the Internet.
You dont know my life. Don't judge.
It helps! It really does. Here, I'll explain... I am fully aware that there is ALL kinds of nonsense on there. Lots of untrue, exaggerated and completely unverifiable stories that only serve to scare me, my family and cause undue stress to the baby. But, I read the research. I like to know my odds. For me, knowledge equals peacefulness. And its not just one or two articles, mind you. I think its been about 20. And I feel good. Being a good researcher pays off. I'm no longer worried and even though you may not get it, I get it. I'm neurotic.
So, long story short, I'm feeling good. I'm actually thinking I may not freak out during this pregnancy and am left feeling pretty impressed by that. We are so beautifully blessed. Chloe is happy, doing well and still likes good music.
Peace, Erin
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
To cool to be forgotten, Hey, Hey...
So as I sit here typing, Chloe is making sure I don't forget her. That's also a line from a Lucinda Williams song (for those cool kids out there), so I thought I'd be cute and make it work as a title for this post about music. My stomach is thumping away and I couldn't be happier. I posted yesterday on facebook that I thought we had a wild one on our hands... and I just might be right.
I was a bit confused with the first few thumps that I felt, for two reasons. One, I would assume it's still a bit 'early' for anything more than a little flutter. I'm almost 22 weeks, but still. Online, they tell you that between 16-22 weeks, you should start feeling your little one. BUT, when we went for our 20 week ultrasound, they informed me that I had an anterior placenta, which is FINE, but does indicate that it may be difficult to feel the baby as early as others. So, while I was bummed, it did make sense to me b/c I had only had a few minor 'encounters' with my sweet baby girl.
Until yesterday...
Perhaps I had a bit too much sugar (very possible) or perhaps she just likes to obey her mother and move upon demand (less possible), but Chloe Diane is a mover and a shaker!!! It was almost humorous that for about five hours my stomach was a battleground. At times, it was hard for me to remain serious during sessions. It's so addicting (although at times, it feels like I have severe gas... you get the picture.. it's a funny feeling :)
And she's GROWING! If my stomach is any indicator of her size, she's on her way to being a BIG baby. We were slightly ahead in weight at 20 weeks (12 oz.) and my tummy is rounding out quite nicely. Pretty excited. It's nice to just be pregnant!! instead of pregnant??? The difference between an early pregnant belly and a beer belly is only a week's difference.
So... yay for Chloe. My growing, beautiful (I know she is) and active little girl is already making me proud. Andrew and I write to her all the time in a journal that we'll share with her when she's older. We write things we want her to know, things we think and to document big milestones during the pregnancy. We think its pretty fun, if nothing else. And we're hoping that with time, these notes will help her grow to be the coolest little girl in the world. I know what you're thinking.. with parents like us, OF COURSE SHE'LL BE COOL.
Here are my contributions to her coolness so far: we danced together to Lauryn Hill a few days ago (maybe that's why she's moving around, BUT still.. its hard not to love a little Lauryn); we sing in the car (note to self: she DOES seem to mind my voice); and we talk about important things to know ALL day. If she's really our child, she's taking notes.
Chloe REALLY likes music. I try to start out the day by singing a little "sweet, sweet baby" by michelle featherstone. its been one of the songs i've listened to ever since we started fertility treatments. I find it to be incredibly peaceful and it served as a great song for me to listen to when i needed calming (which is most of the day). listen to it if you get the chance, its pretty and fit perfectly into our lives early in the pregnancy.
Chloe's song (or at least our song to Chloe) is Joey by Concrete Blonde. We've sung this song (NO LIE) to HER for the past three years. Andrew heard it on my ipod while vacationing in Chicago three years ago. Since then, we've sung to our Chloe. While you may be thinking, 'what cruddy parents, this song is NOT for children and its not something I want my children thinking i dedicated to them'....you might be right, but honestly, every child needs to know Concrete Blonde. I mean... seriously, if we're going for COOLEST, we've got to go all the way. Plus, Joey rhymes with Chloe and seriously- how easy is that??
The first line goes like this...
"Chloe, baby.. mamma loves you like crazy."
Aaaand, that's all we got. Impressed? We'll work on the rest before she comes. For now, she loves the first line.
And lastly, she likes to dance around the womb to 'Get out the map" by the Indigo Girls. Andrew and I always dance to this and clap our hands for the pups because they love this song (I'm sorta lying and sorta not.. I THINK they like it.) They always run around like crazy when its on and so we assumed it was only right to include Chloe in this tradition as well. But honestly, she likes anything from the Indigo Girls and who can blame her, really.
So for now, we work on fine tuning her ear for good music. Some might think that she's got enough going on. you might be thinking, "let's just let her do her thing and cook for the next five months before we ram our own musical opinion down her throat." and that's a thought. and probably good advice for a 'normal' child. but our child is a multi-tasker. our child is a rockstar. our child kicks non-stop at 22 weeks.
I mean, honestly, could YOUR child put their feet above their head at 15 weeks?
pshhh. probably not.
I was a bit confused with the first few thumps that I felt, for two reasons. One, I would assume it's still a bit 'early' for anything more than a little flutter. I'm almost 22 weeks, but still. Online, they tell you that between 16-22 weeks, you should start feeling your little one. BUT, when we went for our 20 week ultrasound, they informed me that I had an anterior placenta, which is FINE, but does indicate that it may be difficult to feel the baby as early as others. So, while I was bummed, it did make sense to me b/c I had only had a few minor 'encounters' with my sweet baby girl.
Until yesterday...
Perhaps I had a bit too much sugar (very possible) or perhaps she just likes to obey her mother and move upon demand (less possible), but Chloe Diane is a mover and a shaker!!! It was almost humorous that for about five hours my stomach was a battleground. At times, it was hard for me to remain serious during sessions. It's so addicting (although at times, it feels like I have severe gas... you get the picture.. it's a funny feeling :)
And she's GROWING! If my stomach is any indicator of her size, she's on her way to being a BIG baby. We were slightly ahead in weight at 20 weeks (12 oz.) and my tummy is rounding out quite nicely. Pretty excited. It's nice to just be pregnant!! instead of pregnant??? The difference between an early pregnant belly and a beer belly is only a week's difference.
So... yay for Chloe. My growing, beautiful (I know she is) and active little girl is already making me proud. Andrew and I write to her all the time in a journal that we'll share with her when she's older. We write things we want her to know, things we think and to document big milestones during the pregnancy. We think its pretty fun, if nothing else. And we're hoping that with time, these notes will help her grow to be the coolest little girl in the world. I know what you're thinking.. with parents like us, OF COURSE SHE'LL BE COOL.
Here are my contributions to her coolness so far: we danced together to Lauryn Hill a few days ago (maybe that's why she's moving around, BUT still.. its hard not to love a little Lauryn); we sing in the car (note to self: she DOES seem to mind my voice); and we talk about important things to know ALL day. If she's really our child, she's taking notes.
Chloe REALLY likes music. I try to start out the day by singing a little "sweet, sweet baby" by michelle featherstone. its been one of the songs i've listened to ever since we started fertility treatments. I find it to be incredibly peaceful and it served as a great song for me to listen to when i needed calming (which is most of the day). listen to it if you get the chance, its pretty and fit perfectly into our lives early in the pregnancy.
Chloe's song (or at least our song to Chloe) is Joey by Concrete Blonde. We've sung this song (NO LIE) to HER for the past three years. Andrew heard it on my ipod while vacationing in Chicago three years ago. Since then, we've sung to our Chloe. While you may be thinking, 'what cruddy parents, this song is NOT for children and its not something I want my children thinking i dedicated to them'....you might be right, but honestly, every child needs to know Concrete Blonde. I mean... seriously, if we're going for COOLEST, we've got to go all the way. Plus, Joey rhymes with Chloe and seriously- how easy is that??
The first line goes like this...
"Chloe, baby.. mamma loves you like crazy."
Aaaand, that's all we got. Impressed? We'll work on the rest before she comes. For now, she loves the first line.
And lastly, she likes to dance around the womb to 'Get out the map" by the Indigo Girls. Andrew and I always dance to this and clap our hands for the pups because they love this song (I'm sorta lying and sorta not.. I THINK they like it.) They always run around like crazy when its on and so we assumed it was only right to include Chloe in this tradition as well. But honestly, she likes anything from the Indigo Girls and who can blame her, really.
So for now, we work on fine tuning her ear for good music. Some might think that she's got enough going on. you might be thinking, "let's just let her do her thing and cook for the next five months before we ram our own musical opinion down her throat." and that's a thought. and probably good advice for a 'normal' child. but our child is a multi-tasker. our child is a rockstar. our child kicks non-stop at 22 weeks.
I mean, honestly, could YOUR child put their feet above their head at 15 weeks?
Monday, July 18, 2011
It's a GIRL!!!
So, MUCH fun has been had over the last few weeks. I will try to make this interesting to someone other than myself...i got to spend time with my bestest, i turned 30, we are now officially half way through our pregnancy AND we get to change the name from SQUIRREL to CHLOE. (Scary squirrel story to follow.) How cool is MY life?!?!
So to start, Brooker the Hooker flew down to SA the weekend before my birthday to surprise me and hang out! She and Andrew had been scheming for a few weeks before and much to my surprise, she was here to hang out ALL Weekend long. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wealthy, jet-setting doctor for a bestest. Haven't you heard those residents makeMILLIONS next to nothing?!?!?! Either way, I'm lucky. And eventually, she will make more and Andrew, Chloe and I will serve as her pool maintenance crew for free rent. It works out beautifully. We had a blast and ate fabulous food. And she was smiley all weekend, which made me smiley. Thanks, Brooklyn :) It meant the world.
Then, four days after she left, I turned 30. It was a great day and I'll tell you what.. it was the first birthday that I actually felt my age.. in a good way. I woke up to balloons, Shipley's Donuts (a MUST for a happy wife in our house) and gifts and flowers. (I'll give you a hint.. that's because I have the best husband ever.) Then I went to work. Boring. But here's the kicker. It was the first birthday EVER that I have worked all day. And it felt nice. It felt grown-up. I enjoy what I do, and as a result, I don't mind working. THATS HUGE. But I did get to meet up with the fam for a great lunch and then FABULOUS dinner at Il Sogno downtown. It was three hours long and we had a great time. I'm super lucky. To be 30 and to be related to such fun people.
THEN, one day after that, we found out we were having a Chloe. Not only a chloe, the cutest baby the sonographer has ever seen. Its true and I'm sure she's never said that before. Our appointment went swimmingly and she healthy and perfect. Four chambered heart, kidneys, stomach, intestines. We got some great pictures of her little profile. Don't you think she already looks like Andrew? It's weird, but true.
the most beautiful vagina you will ever see on a songogram: (its never too early to embarrass your child).
cute little feet:
So here is a little fun side story. Five weeks or so ago I went to North Carolina to visit Brooker for her residency graduation. While there, I was giving her a hard time (beware of understatment) about letting me listen for the baby's heart. I was 15 weeks at the time. After numerous eye rolls coming from her direction she said, "Erin, you can't hear the heartbeat this early with a regular stethoscope." Well, talk about right place right timing. As she said that, her attending walked in. He simply asked if I was pregnant and then said, "Why don't you just use a doppler?"
Uhhhhhhh. YES PLEASE! So, he hooked me up immediately with an ob/gyn resident down the hall for a FREE sonogram. WAHOOOO. While we were putzing around, lookinga at cute little baby parts she said, "uhhh, are y'all wanting to know the sex?" I looked at her in total disbelief (it was only 15 weeks) and then worried about saying YES too quickly. AFter all, Andrew wasn't there and we've done EVERY PART of this journey together.
I weighed my options.
A. lose my mind and sanity and happiness in life and say no.
B. call him after and say, "SURPRISE.. wanna know a secret?" and then feel badly, but know that he knows i have a the patience of a small field mouse. (do they have patience? if so, then think of something that does not.) plus, he's awesome and loves me for being stupid and impulsive. right, andrew?
I chose B. She fiddled with the sonogram machine a little more and then said, "well, i have a good idea, but i dont wanna give you the wrong information. so, i'm going to call my attending." ummm, more free awesomeness ensues.
in walks her attending who TEACHES all the residents how to read sonograms. (told ya there was more awesomeness headed your way.) she sits down, fiddles with the sonogram machine and says, "yep, you're right." at that point, they tell me its a girl and I scream. super excited. (for the record, would have scream for a penis sighting as well.) equal opportunity screamer. they said they would only give me a 90% accuracy due to the earliness of the pregnancy. i didn't care.
andrew was thrilled and both of us were dumbstruck. we were having a little girl. that's when it sunk it that it SUCKED we weren't together to celebrate and share this moment. but.. he understood and had pink roses waiting for Chloe and I when we got home. it has been MORE than difficult to keep things quiet, but as Andrew warned, it wasnt worth telling everyone if it wasn't accurate. so now it is.. SHE'S a GIRL!!!!
chloe's first flowers from her daddy:
So this brings us to our sex reveal party. it was a BLAST and i'm so glad that i heard about it from Christine Fox! such a cute way to spread the good news :) here are some highlights:
the cake!!!
our little family:
we had guests sign up under one or the other:
brookyln even got to skype in and join the fun! (aunty mandy and GIGI were on the phone!):
old wives tales helped guests make up their mind before the cake was cut!
3 out of 4 excited grandparents, ready to cut the cake!!! we missed Sherri so much!
and the process begins...
can't hardly believe it...
not excited at all... can we say HOT PINK cake?!?!? there was no denying that cake was pink!
the happy winners... a.k.a. chloe's FIRST and BIGGEST FANS :)
the happy losers...
as you can tell, my mom was slightly excited. it was such a fun moment and taylor captured it so well! although 40 people in one room makes for quite a HOT night, we had a blast. and now we have a Chloe and she has SO many people who love her already. lucky, lucky lady.
oh! and i promised a creepy squirrel story. so this weekend andrew and i went up to austin to register for cute chloe things and have dinner with my sweet friends, watts, michelle and monica! (had a blast, you guys!) so, sunday morning while walking on UT campus, andrew and i see a cute little squirrel. awwww, we think. we watch it. it seems to be carrying something. we stop to figure out what its carrying. i was immediately worried that it seemed to be carrying a black, plastic bag. that can't be good for the little squirrel, i think. we continue to watch. up the tree it goes. it doesn't want us to steal its bag. weirdo squirrel, i think.
and then... i realize its carrying a GIANT piece of a black crow.. which is continues to EAT AT. OMG. OMG. squrirrels = carnivores. that ruined my day. that's not cute. that's disgusting. squirrels are cute and eat berries and have bushy tails.
moral of the story: good thing baby squirrel is now a chloe. whew.
and last but not least.. i am a liar. i swore i wouldn't take another sports bra picture, but i think we can get one more month out of it before i have to retire the outfit for the next few months due to grossness.
20 weeks (5mths):
So to start, Brooker the Hooker flew down to SA the weekend before my birthday to surprise me and hang out! She and Andrew had been scheming for a few weeks before and much to my surprise, she was here to hang out ALL Weekend long. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wealthy, jet-setting doctor for a bestest. Haven't you heard those residents make
Then, four days after she left, I turned 30. It was a great day and I'll tell you what.. it was the first birthday that I actually felt my age.. in a good way. I woke up to balloons, Shipley's Donuts (a MUST for a happy wife in our house) and gifts and flowers. (I'll give you a hint.. that's because I have the best husband ever.) Then I went to work. Boring. But here's the kicker. It was the first birthday EVER that I have worked all day. And it felt nice. It felt grown-up. I enjoy what I do, and as a result, I don't mind working. THATS HUGE. But I did get to meet up with the fam for a great lunch and then FABULOUS dinner at Il Sogno downtown. It was three hours long and we had a great time. I'm super lucky. To be 30 and to be related to such fun people.
THEN, one day after that, we found out we were having a Chloe. Not only a chloe, the cutest baby the sonographer has ever seen. Its true and I'm sure she's never said that before. Our appointment went swimmingly and she healthy and perfect. Four chambered heart, kidneys, stomach, intestines. We got some great pictures of her little profile. Don't you think she already looks like Andrew? It's weird, but true.
the most beautiful vagina you will ever see on a songogram: (its never too early to embarrass your child).
cute little feet:
So here is a little fun side story. Five weeks or so ago I went to North Carolina to visit Brooker for her residency graduation. While there, I was giving her a hard time (beware of understatment) about letting me listen for the baby's heart. I was 15 weeks at the time. After numerous eye rolls coming from her direction she said, "Erin, you can't hear the heartbeat this early with a regular stethoscope." Well, talk about right place right timing. As she said that, her attending walked in. He simply asked if I was pregnant and then said, "Why don't you just use a doppler?"
Uhhhhhhh. YES PLEASE! So, he hooked me up immediately with an ob/gyn resident down the hall for a FREE sonogram. WAHOOOO. While we were putzing around, lookinga at cute little baby parts she said, "uhhh, are y'all wanting to know the sex?" I looked at her in total disbelief (it was only 15 weeks) and then worried about saying YES too quickly. AFter all, Andrew wasn't there and we've done EVERY PART of this journey together.
I weighed my options.
A. lose my mind and sanity and happiness in life and say no.
B. call him after and say, "SURPRISE.. wanna know a secret?" and then feel badly, but know that he knows i have a the patience of a small field mouse. (do they have patience? if so, then think of something that does not.) plus, he's awesome and loves me for being stupid and impulsive. right, andrew?
I chose B. She fiddled with the sonogram machine a little more and then said, "well, i have a good idea, but i dont wanna give you the wrong information. so, i'm going to call my attending." ummm, more free awesomeness ensues.
in walks her attending who TEACHES all the residents how to read sonograms. (told ya there was more awesomeness headed your way.) she sits down, fiddles with the sonogram machine and says, "yep, you're right." at that point, they tell me its a girl and I scream. super excited. (for the record, would have scream for a penis sighting as well.) equal opportunity screamer. they said they would only give me a 90% accuracy due to the earliness of the pregnancy. i didn't care.
andrew was thrilled and both of us were dumbstruck. we were having a little girl. that's when it sunk it that it SUCKED we weren't together to celebrate and share this moment. but.. he understood and had pink roses waiting for Chloe and I when we got home. it has been MORE than difficult to keep things quiet, but as Andrew warned, it wasnt worth telling everyone if it wasn't accurate. so now it is.. SHE'S a GIRL!!!!
chloe's first flowers from her daddy:
So this brings us to our sex reveal party. it was a BLAST and i'm so glad that i heard about it from Christine Fox! such a cute way to spread the good news :) here are some highlights:
the cake!!!
our little family:
we had guests sign up under one or the other:
brookyln even got to skype in and join the fun! (aunty mandy and GIGI were on the phone!):
old wives tales helped guests make up their mind before the cake was cut!
3 out of 4 excited grandparents, ready to cut the cake!!! we missed Sherri so much!
and the process begins...
can't hardly believe it...
not excited at all... can we say HOT PINK cake?!?!? there was no denying that cake was pink!
the happy winners... a.k.a. chloe's FIRST and BIGGEST FANS :)
the happy losers...
as you can tell, my mom was slightly excited. it was such a fun moment and taylor captured it so well! although 40 people in one room makes for quite a HOT night, we had a blast. and now we have a Chloe and she has SO many people who love her already. lucky, lucky lady.
oh! and i promised a creepy squirrel story. so this weekend andrew and i went up to austin to register for cute chloe things and have dinner with my sweet friends, watts, michelle and monica! (had a blast, you guys!) so, sunday morning while walking on UT campus, andrew and i see a cute little squirrel. awwww, we think. we watch it. it seems to be carrying something. we stop to figure out what its carrying. i was immediately worried that it seemed to be carrying a black, plastic bag. that can't be good for the little squirrel, i think. we continue to watch. up the tree it goes. it doesn't want us to steal its bag. weirdo squirrel, i think.
and then... i realize its carrying a GIANT piece of a black crow.. which is continues to EAT AT. OMG. OMG. squrirrels = carnivores. that ruined my day. that's not cute. that's disgusting. squirrels are cute and eat berries and have bushy tails.
moral of the story: good thing baby squirrel is now a chloe. whew.
and last but not least.. i am a liar. i swore i wouldn't take another sports bra picture, but i think we can get one more month out of it before i have to retire the outfit for the next few months due to grossness.
20 weeks (5mths):
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