30 weeks...woah.

Today we had our 30 week check-up (a few days early) and everything is great! I went into this appointment a bit nervous simply because I was spending a bit too much time listening to people who shouldn't matter.

You know.. it's amazing what people will say and assume is 'okay' because you're pregnant. And the truth is, I knew this. I knew to watch out for the 'creepy tummy toucher,' 'the negative nancy,' and the 'food police.' But honestly, I can say I wasn't ready for the 'I'm gonna camouflage my concern with a compliment' person. That's the person that makes me INSANE. For example:

#1: "Hey, you look great! How far along are you?"

Me (I smile, very pleased at the compliment): "7 months and counting! We are so excited!"

#1 (Facial expression change): "Huh...[pause. index finger tapping lips]... Weird. I wouldn't have guessed that. Is the baby okay? Your stomach looks small."

Me: I smile and try to disappear.

Okay, how about this one:

#2: How have you stayed so fit?

Me (Clearly impressed by this flattery): Oh, I just try to watch what I eat most of the time. But honestly, I've tried to stay sane though and definitely submit to my cravings. Gotta have my sweets.. Ha. ha. ha.

#2: Oh, yeah, I mean because you don't eat healthy, really. I would be HUGE if I ate like you. Are you allowed to have that much fried food?

So you see, some people suck. Ellen DeGeneres has a stand-up routine that is perfect for this occasion. She makes a joke that people often use the 'Just Kidding' to cover up something that is not really nice at all. "Did you PAY for that haircut? Just Kidding."

No, actually you're not. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said it. And while we may WANT to say that, what actually happens is that we begin to doubt ourselves just a bit.And that's what happened over the last few weeks for me. I began to doubt the health of my child based on some idiot's caring person's comment.

Those moments make me wish I had a camera on me, just like Jim from The Office. We all have those moments... the 'Yep, she/he REALLY just said that." All Jim has to do is silently look up at the camera with a blank stare and we all just know. We all know that people are ridiculous. We all know those people that do it for the sake of doing it. And in some cases, those people truly don't have a CLUE they are saying something rude. Hard to believe sometimes, but I think it's true. But, in Jim's case, the camera seems to give him validation that at least someone else heard/saw that moment as it really was. Now that I think about it, I wish I had a 'Jim camera' on me for most of my day.

But anyway, back to our happy visit today. Baby girl's head is officially down and ready, she's kicking up a storm and she's growing PERFECTLY. My belly is 30cm for 30 weeks. So, I may appear to be 'small' to some, but I'm really not. So there.

But honestly, thanks to everyone for all the feedback- positive and negative.
Just Kidding.


I'll leave you with a few fun pictures from the fabulous baby shower that my co-workers threw for me this last weekend. Chloe got all kinds of fabulous outfits, toys and cutesy baby things. The attention to detail placed into making things special was just awesome. Thanks again, you guys!

Peace, Erin

We've got PLENTY of time.... OH wait.

So, this entire pregnancy I've been chastised, laughed at, and gotten a good 'ol eye roll from (ahem, certain family members) about how 'ready' I want everything to be for Chloe's arrival. They've scoffed at my "attention to detail" and told me to settle down. But, honestly, let's be rationale...What if I deliver early? What if she comes before the showers? What if someone pops out of some bushes and starts quizzing me on my motherhood knowledge?

So in order to calm my nerves throughout this journey, I have joined consumer reports, planned out the timing of her showers (as much as possible) and have already washed every single piece of clothing for her in this house- with approved detergent. Also, I even have a birthing plan (a.k.a working on my birthing playlist to be played on the ipod at the hospital).

Ain't NO thang.

Words I have heard in conjunction with my name: (in no order of hurtfulness)
Neurotic
Looney
Nuts
Over-the-top
Control Freak
OCD Queen

Sticks and stones people. sticks. and. stones.

So, perhaps at ONE POINT in this pregnancy, they had a point. But no longer, my friends. As I find myself in the 28th week, I also find that I am now frequently saying "Oh, I'll need to take care of that..." "I'll get that done soon." But, then it dawned on me today that that's no longer true.

I NEED to take care of that NOW. I may have really cute bedding picked out and that stroller decision (albeit, a tough one) has been made. However, how about things that MATTER? (i.e. pediatrician, diapers, carseats). I think I need to perhaps kick it into gear.

So, we've (ahem, I) have reorganized my priority list and it goes like this...

1. Make sure Chloe likes good music. Make sure Chloe has a place to sleep.

2. Find cute decor accessories for her room. Figure out how her carseat will fit into my car (still not sure about this one).

3. Buy her adorable clothes for her first Cancun trip. Interview pediatricians.

You get the picture. My priorities are better now. Especially since all the showers (yes, all 5 of them) are just around the corner. Getting the essentials for her makes me feel more prepared for motherhood.

P.S.- if you're wondering who needs 5 showers, Chloe does. Thank you very much.

Speaking of, Andrew, Chloe and I were 'showered' by such amazing family, friends and loved ones this last Saturday. The best sister-in-laws in the world (Andrea, Alisha and Amanda) hosted the most beautiful occasion. We had a blast hanging out with friends and family and got some GREAT new things for baby girl.

I have to tell you about this game that Amanda created for the shower. So, because our pregnancy/conception story isn't what one would call 'normal' she decided that she would add to the original 'pin the tail on the donkey' game, to celebrate our 'differences.'

She created a 'pin the sperm on the egg in a petri dish' game. It. was. hilarious. She made a poster with a picture of my preggo self and a giant petri dish with an egg in it. Guests were blindfolded and given a little colorful 'sperm.' This weren't just any sperm, but you don't have to take my word for it... take a closer look:

So, you see, my Andrew has pretty impressive, tatooed sperm. (And, please note that his sperm arm tatoo says "chloe". It proves he's a family man. But, really, normal isn't in our vocabulary and that shouldn't be a shock to anyone. As a side note, and to point out the irony, I'd like to mention the two men involved in the game were the FARTHEST from the egg (see below and noted the blue sperm on the left side of the window.) I'm just sayin'.... practice doesn't always make perfect.

Anyway, beautiful, amazing day filled with love. We had a blast and are so very grateful for our families. I'll leave ya with some of the pics from the shindig. And for the record, my brother, Taylor, is fabulously talented and had much to do with the beauty of the decor. thanks, tate... you rock in so many ways.

Peace, Erin

I'm not nervous... and that's a big deal.

I like the sound of that. I'm not nervous. AND we're six months and one week along. That's sexy. It sounds like I'm actually getting closer to having a baby. How cool is that?

I was having a conversation a few days ago about mom anxiety and when it starts to 'hit you' that you're soon to have a watermelon to push through your body. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm hoping for something only as wide as a coconut or something a wee bit smaller. And honestly, a watermelon would mean a FAT baby. So, for sanity's sake let's go with coconut.

I mean, maybe I'm too far out still, but I'm honestly not nervous, only excited. Which is weird for a neurotic, OCD, anxiety-ridden human. In fact, its downright creepy. But, I'll tell ya what, I really haven't been that big of a nervous freak all pregnancy. Ok, ok, a little bit of a freak, but I that's just genetic.

But, anyway we've had an interesting, but good past week. The magical 24 weeks marker has come and gone and we are all healthy and happy.

So, we went back to the doctor for our 24 week check up and to get a few things measured that they couldn't see on the ultrasound last time. Okay, fine. I'll buy that. We go in, everything looks 'awesome' and Chloe is adorbs as usual. We got some fabulous pictures, including a surprise 3D picture in which Chloe appears to be smoking a Doobie. Awesome. See what cool parents we are? We let her smoke pot before she's even born. She can never say she doesn't have freedom to make her own choices.

Okay, so it's really just her cord, no worries. You can put down the phone and not feel the need to call Child Protective Services. Andrew and I are FULLY aware that she's not old enough to smoke pot yet.

So anyway, things look good. Oh! And the little chunk-a-monk is nearly two pounds and is in the 58% percentile for weight. That-a-girl. We are proud and relieved. We hope she's going to be big and healthy baby (except, smaller than a watermelon).

So the next day, I have to go back and meet with our doctor because she wasn't available to see us on our ultrasound day. Irritating, but okay. Andrew can't make it (first time EVER) because of work. But, it's no biggie... I've got this.

I pee in a cup. They take my blood pressure and everything is peachy. The doctor comes in, smiles and says, "Everything is looking great AND the Lakes haven't grown at all."

Silence. crickets. silence. Blank stare.

"Huh?"

She looks at me and says, "Oh, I thought they told you.... well ,its no biggie."

I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I keep staring.

She proceeds to tell me (remember i'm BY MYSELF) that they have been tracking several placental venous lakes that have been present on the ultrasounds since week 20 and that they haven't grown at all.

Well, dandy. My lakes are stagnant. wth does THAT mean?

And for the record... PLACENTAL LAKES? Really? They couldn't think of anything else to call those things? Sounds like a low income housing subdivision on the wrong side of town.

And for those of you in the dark on this.. and I'm assuming that includes most everyone on this planet...placental lakes are enlarged spaces in the placenta filled with maternal blood. Yumm. Basically, what this means is that there are pockets of blood (sorry, this is kinda gross) resting between my placenta and the uterus that CAN (but NOT necessarily) restrict growth in the baby. However, that only normally happens should they get really big and ugly. And, as our doctor explained, she would have already probably seen them grow.

Mine, you ask? Well, mine are stagnant and small... [read: WAHOO! I can't grow a good lake!]

Here is an example of what they look like on an ultrasound... but these ARENT mine. Mine are way cuter with little trees and a sailboat...

So, that made me slightly anxious and made me want to bite into the crazy apple. But, I haven't. She told me to stay OFF the Internet repeatedly and not worry. Nothing would change about my treatment and that Chloe was fine. Plus, she's two pounds. That's not the sign of a growth restricted baby.

I smiled, asked a few questions and left the office.

I went home and got on the Internet.

You dont know my life. Don't judge.

It helps! It really does. Here, I'll explain... I am fully aware that there is ALL kinds of nonsense on there. Lots of untrue, exaggerated and completely unverifiable stories that only serve to scare me, my family and cause undue stress to the baby. But, I read the research. I like to know my odds. For me, knowledge equals peacefulness. And its not just one or two articles, mind you. I think its been about 20. And I feel good. Being a good researcher pays off. I'm no longer worried and even though you may not get it, I get it. I'm neurotic.

So, long story short, I'm feeling good. I'm actually thinking I may not freak out during this pregnancy and am left feeling pretty impressed by that. We are so beautifully blessed. Chloe is happy, doing well and still likes good music.

Peace, Erin

To cool to be forgotten, Hey, Hey...

So as I sit here typing, Chloe is making sure I don't forget her. That's also a line from a Lucinda Williams song (for those cool kids out there), so I thought I'd be cute and make it work as a title for this post about music. My stomach is thumping away and I couldn't be happier. I posted yesterday on facebook that I thought we had a wild one on our hands... and I just might be right.

I was a bit confused with the first few thumps that I felt, for two reasons. One, I would assume it's still a bit 'early' for anything more than a little flutter. I'm almost 22 weeks, but still. Online, they tell you that between 16-22 weeks, you should start feeling your little one. BUT, when we went for our 20 week ultrasound, they informed me that I had an anterior placenta, which is FINE, but does indicate that it may be difficult to feel the baby as early as others. So, while I was bummed, it did make sense to me b/c I had only had a few minor 'encounters' with my sweet baby girl.

Until yesterday...

Perhaps I had a bit too much sugar (very possible) or perhaps she just likes to obey her mother and move upon demand (less possible), but Chloe Diane is a mover and a shaker!!! It was almost humorous that for about five hours my stomach was a battleground. At times, it was hard for me to remain serious during sessions. It's so addicting (although at times, it feels like I have severe gas... you get the picture.. it's a funny feeling :)

And she's GROWING! If my stomach is any indicator of her size, she's on her way to being a BIG baby. We were slightly ahead in weight at 20 weeks (12 oz.) and my tummy is rounding out quite nicely. Pretty excited. It's nice to just be pregnant!! instead of pregnant??? The difference between an early pregnant belly and a beer belly is only a week's difference.

So... yay for Chloe. My growing, beautiful (I know she is) and active little girl is already making me proud. Andrew and I write to her all the time in a journal that we'll share with her when she's older. We write things we want her to know, things we think and to document big milestones during the pregnancy. We think its pretty fun, if nothing else. And we're hoping that with time, these notes will help her grow to be the coolest little girl in the world. I know what you're thinking.. with parents like us, OF COURSE SHE'LL BE COOL.

Here are my contributions to her coolness so far: we danced together to Lauryn Hill a few days ago (maybe that's why she's moving around, BUT still.. its hard not to love a little Lauryn); we sing in the car (note to self: she DOES seem to mind my voice); and we talk about important things to know ALL day. If she's really our child, she's taking notes.

Chloe REALLY likes music. I try to start out the day by singing a little "sweet, sweet baby" by michelle featherstone. its been one of the songs i've listened to ever since we started fertility treatments. I find it to be incredibly peaceful and it served as a great song for me to listen to when i needed calming (which is most of the day). listen to it if you get the chance, its pretty and fit perfectly into our lives early in the pregnancy.

Chloe's song (or at least our song to Chloe) is Joey by Concrete Blonde. We've sung this song (NO LIE) to HER for the past three years. Andrew heard it on my ipod while vacationing in Chicago three years ago. Since then, we've sung to our Chloe. While you may be thinking, 'what cruddy parents, this song is NOT for children and its not something I want my children thinking i dedicated to them'....you might be right, but honestly, every child needs to know Concrete Blonde. I mean... seriously, if we're going for COOLEST, we've got to go all the way. Plus, Joey rhymes with Chloe and seriously- how easy is that??
The first line goes like this...

"Chloe, baby.. mamma loves you like crazy."

Aaaand, that's all we got. Impressed? We'll work on the rest before she comes. For now, she loves the first line.

And lastly, she likes to dance around the womb to 'Get out the map" by the Indigo Girls. Andrew and I always dance to this and clap our hands for the pups because they love this song (I'm sorta lying and sorta not.. I THINK they like it.) They always run around like crazy when its on and so we assumed it was only right to include Chloe in this tradition as well. But honestly, she likes anything from the Indigo Girls and who can blame her, really.

So for now, we work on fine tuning her ear for good music. Some might think that she's got enough going on. you might be thinking, "let's just let her do her thing and cook for the next five months before we ram our own musical opinion down her throat." and that's a thought. and probably good advice for a 'normal' child. but our child is a multi-tasker. our child is a rockstar. our child kicks non-stop at 22 weeks.

I mean, honestly, could YOUR child put their feet above their head at 15 weeks?

pshhh. probably not.

It's a GIRL!!!

So, MUCH fun has been had over the last few weeks. I will try to make this interesting to someone other than myself...i got to spend time with my bestest, i turned 30, we are now officially half way through our pregnancy AND we get to change the name from SQUIRREL to CHLOE. (Scary squirrel story to follow.) How cool is MY life?!?!

So to start, Brooker the Hooker flew down to SA the weekend before my birthday to surprise me and hang out! She and Andrew had been scheming for a few weeks before and much to my surprise, she was here to hang out ALL Weekend long. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wealthy, jet-setting doctor for a bestest. Haven't you heard those residents make MILLIONS next to nothing?!?!?! Either way, I'm lucky. And eventually, she will make more and Andrew, Chloe and I will serve as her pool maintenance crew for free rent. It works out beautifully. We had a blast and ate fabulous food. And she was smiley all weekend, which made me smiley. Thanks, Brooklyn :) It meant the world.

Then, four days after she left, I turned 30. It was a great day and I'll tell you what.. it was the first birthday that I actually felt my age.. in a good way. I woke up to balloons, Shipley's Donuts (a MUST for a happy wife in our house) and gifts and flowers. (I'll give you a hint.. that's because I have the best husband ever.) Then I went to work. Boring. But here's the kicker. It was the first birthday EVER that I have worked all day. And it felt nice. It felt grown-up. I enjoy what I do, and as a result, I don't mind working. THATS HUGE. But I did get to meet up with the fam for a great lunch and then FABULOUS dinner at Il Sogno downtown. It was three hours long and we had a great time. I'm super lucky. To be 30 and to be related to such fun people.

THEN, one day after that, we found out we were having a Chloe. Not only a chloe, the cutest baby the sonographer has ever seen. Its true and I'm sure she's never said that before. Our appointment went swimmingly and she healthy and perfect. Four chambered heart, kidneys, stomach, intestines. We got some great pictures of her little profile. Don't you think she already looks like Andrew? It's weird, but true.

the most beautiful vagina you will ever see on a songogram: (its never too early to embarrass your child).

cute little feet:

So here is a little fun side story. Five weeks or so ago I went to North Carolina to visit Brooker for her residency graduation. While there, I was giving her a hard time (beware of understatment) about letting me listen for the baby's heart. I was 15 weeks at the time. After numerous eye rolls coming from her direction she said, "Erin, you can't hear the heartbeat this early with a regular stethoscope." Well, talk about right place right timing. As she said that, her attending walked in. He simply asked if I was pregnant and then said, "Why don't you just use a doppler?"

Uhhhhhhh. YES PLEASE! So, he hooked me up immediately with an ob/gyn resident down the hall for a FREE sonogram. WAHOOOO. While we were putzing around, lookinga at cute little baby parts she said, "uhhh, are y'all wanting to know the sex?" I looked at her in total disbelief (it was only 15 weeks) and then worried about saying YES too quickly. AFter all, Andrew wasn't there and we've done EVERY PART of this journey together.

I weighed my options.
A. lose my mind and sanity and happiness in life and say no.
B. call him after and say, "SURPRISE.. wanna know a secret?" and then feel badly, but know that he knows i have a the patience of a small field mouse. (do they have patience? if so, then think of something that does not.) plus, he's awesome and loves me for being stupid and impulsive. right, andrew?

I chose B. She fiddled with the sonogram machine a little more and then said, "well, i have a good idea, but i dont wanna give you the wrong information. so, i'm going to call my attending." ummm, more free awesomeness ensues.

in walks her attending who TEACHES all the residents how to read sonograms. (told ya there was more awesomeness headed your way.) she sits down, fiddles with the sonogram machine and says, "yep, you're right." at that point, they tell me its a girl and I scream. super excited. (for the record, would have scream for a penis sighting as well.) equal opportunity screamer. they said they would only give me a 90% accuracy due to the earliness of the pregnancy. i didn't care.

andrew was thrilled and both of us were dumbstruck. we were having a little girl. that's when it sunk it that it SUCKED we weren't together to celebrate and share this moment. but.. he understood and had pink roses waiting for Chloe and I when we got home. it has been MORE than difficult to keep things quiet, but as Andrew warned, it wasnt worth telling everyone if it wasn't accurate. so now it is.. SHE'S a GIRL!!!!

chloe's first flowers from her daddy:

So this brings us to our sex reveal party. it was a BLAST and i'm so glad that i heard about it from Christine Fox! such a cute way to spread the good news :) here are some highlights:

the cake!!!

our little family:

we had guests sign up under one or the other:

brookyln even got to skype in and join the fun! (aunty mandy and GIGI were on the phone!):

old wives tales helped guests make up their mind before the cake was cut!

3 out of 4 excited grandparents, ready to cut the cake!!! we missed Sherri so much!

and the process begins...

can't hardly believe it...

not excited at all... can we say HOT PINK cake?!?!? there was no denying that cake was pink!

the happy winners... a.k.a. chloe's FIRST and BIGGEST FANS :)

the happy losers...

as you can tell, my mom was slightly excited. it was such a fun moment and taylor captured it so well! although 40 people in one room makes for quite a HOT night, we had a blast. and now we have a Chloe and she has SO many people who love her already. lucky, lucky lady.

oh! and i promised a creepy squirrel story. so this weekend andrew and i went up to austin to register for cute chloe things and have dinner with my sweet friends, watts, michelle and monica! (had a blast, you guys!) so, sunday morning while walking on UT campus, andrew and i see a cute little squirrel. awwww, we think. we watch it. it seems to be carrying something. we stop to figure out what its carrying. i was immediately worried that it seemed to be carrying a black, plastic bag. that can't be good for the little squirrel, i think. we continue to watch. up the tree it goes. it doesn't want us to steal its bag. weirdo squirrel, i think.

and then... i realize its carrying a GIANT piece of a black crow.. which is continues to EAT AT. OMG. OMG. squrirrels = carnivores. that ruined my day. that's not cute. that's disgusting. squirrels are cute and eat berries and have bushy tails.

moral of the story: good thing baby squirrel is now a chloe. whew.

and last but not least.. i am a liar. i swore i wouldn't take another sports bra picture, but i think we can get one more month out of it before i have to retire the outfit for the next few months due to grossness.

20 weeks (5mths):

Baby's firsts...

So last weekend, Andrew and I headed up to Chicago/Wisconsin for some quality time with his college friends at wedding they were all involved in. (Carolyn and Jeff, the wedding was a blast!) We danced until Baby Squirrel had enough and made us both realize we were not as cool as we thought we were. We are now only OLD. His college friends stayed and partied until early morning and we were in bed by midnight... andrew + erin + squirrel= great fun (until midnight). But anyway, we got to see some great people (a few I even met for the first time!) Very exciting stuff.

Little squirrel also got in on the fun and had some firsts occur during the weekend. First trip to Chicago (I had seen the University of Chicago before, but Andrew got to show him/her around, which was nice!) It will be even nicer when they are out of the womb, have the capacity to care and have eyes with which to see. But for now, we pretended as though he/she cared and that made us happy. I'm assuming this might continue into the teenage years.

Little Squirrel also got to experience cheese curds, the state of Wisconsin and turkish food. I think its safe to say that our child is more cultured than yours.

Little Squirrel LOVES turkish food (as does its mommy). Hopefully it comes out of the womb liking cool stuff like that so we can bypass the disgusting peas and ham. Eww. Although, I can't lie.. I'm looking forward to the bananas. Love me some baby food bananas. But, for now, he/she also still loves doughnuts and root beer (the current cravings). I can hear it now... "And mother of the year goes to..." Hopefully we will be switching over to carrots and celery soon :(

In addition, Little Squirrel also seems to be moving around more (I think) and we are assuming this is because of all the INSANE walking we did in Chicago all weekend. We are also assuming this is because he/she LOVED chicago and wants mommy and daddy to move there into a brownstone in Lincoln Park paid for by the grandparents... any takers? bueller? bueller? honestly mom and dad, if its what the baby wants, i think it should happen. but anyway, I felt several 'flutters' of what i assume to be the baby (maybe gas, considering all the food consumed) over the weekend and it made me smile.

Other firsts include: first cubs game, first wedding, first booty dancing (thanks to me), first pig roast, and first time on a college campus. although andrew is hoping the child will someday return to his alma mater for school, i'm hoping he/she does not and saves us about $160,000. ain't nothin' wrong with a little southwestern action. look at me, i'm almost perfect.

i've included some pics from the weekend for those of you not on facebook. these are the ones baby squirrel felt compelled to add.

for obvious reasons...

a family picture...

Little Squirrel wanted to show proof that he/she was actually there...

the eating of the cheese curds...

on our way to wisconsin.. i wanted a silly picture. andrew didn't. andrew won. i look like an idiot. shocker.

Boobs, bathing suits and other girlie things..

You've been warned, this is a GIRLY kind of post.

I was going to abstain from sharing this information with you, but I've decided this is cheaper than therapy.

So last week, I decided I needed a new bra. (Sorry, to those who have heard this saga, but it continued today, and now I need to vent.) The old one just wasn't provided the ladies the boost they needed (after they decided to double) and I broke down and ventured off to Destination Maternity. I felt good about it, I'm at least showing a little and so this trip wouldn't be as embarrassing as the time I went in to inquire about yoga and they asked who was pregnant. Whew... thanks to my baby belly, I was acknowledged as part of the 'mommy group' this time around.

So, I walk in. I tell the lady my story and she directs me to the maternity/nursing bra area. Let me tell you, upon first glance... saying that i wasn't in Victoria's Secret anymore was an UNDERSTATMENT. These are for MILKING. and they make you feel like if you aren't milking something, you need to find something to milk ASAP.

So, the girl helps me into a dressing room and brings me a few bras which letters are far from A. (and we'll leave it at that...) I put them on thinking, there is NO WAY these will fit.. as in, THESE ARE HUGE. Well, folks, this is where the story gets sad. they didn't fit. not even close. they were too small. I mean, I assume you want your nipple covered, right? Mmmkay.

So the nice lady looks at me like she's witnessing something terrible and unfair and says, "we can order you one if you'd like." i quickly say, "wait, you don't have anything bigger? you're a maternity store." she says, "no, that's as big as we get, but i'll give you the number to a place that can help you. they have a bigger selection."

awesome. at least i have an option. i want to cry b/c im only 14 weeks at the moment. i suppose you're now thinking... oh yeah, bigger boobs...cry me a river. but listen... these aren't your victoria's secret wings version of boobs. for further description, please see above comment about MILKING. but, i disgress.

so i get dressed and she hands me a card. i look down and in big letters it says:

LACTATION CENTER OF SAN ANTONIO.

I started laughing only to see that I was the only one. mmmkay. i've reached a new low. she gives me directions and i head out the door. at first, i think.. nah, i'm not going there. i can find something pretty at nordstroms. but then i remember that i'm currently wearing a bra two sizes too small and makes it difficult to breathe. my car somehow turns towards the med center.

so, i pull into the methodist hopsital, which is where she told me the center was located. (weird, i know... i was doubtful of this as well.) i walk in and see a cute little candystripper waiting to help me at the front desk in the main lobby. i ask her where to be headed and she looks at me with a strange face. she leans across the desk to her friend (a good 15 feet away) and yells, "where is the lactation center? i can't remember that." the lobby turns to look.

AWESOME. thanks for that addition to my day.

some lady comes to 'take me there.' on the way, she looks at me and says, "so, you here for more milk?" WHAT?!?!? i don't look THAT pregnant, geez. i laughed and said no, i'm just here to buy a bra. she looks confused but drops me off in front of the NICU. i have no pass and apparently need a pass to get back there. i head to the window and assume this wild goose chase for a BRA will be ending soon.. without a bra.

i ask her where to buy maternity bras and she stares at me. then she offers this helpful advice, "ma'am, this is a hospital. maybe you should try the lactation center STORE. its down the street."

well super. super duper. thanks.

defeated, exhausted and completely humiliated- i head back the car, realizing i can't give up now. i head to the lactation center of san antonio S-T-O-R-E. who knew.

to make this story shorter, i get there. lady is helpful (after making me sign in with all the other mothers there for lactation counseling) and we find a bra - an extremely comfortable, but HIDEOUS bra. good news- if i dont get any bigger, i can also use this bra to nurse out of. see? there are perks and positives to every story :(

SOOOO... today. i decide to go swimsuit shopping with my mom. summer is here, it is hot and i'd like to get in a pool. is that so bad? back to destination maternity.

we walk in and my 'bra friend' is the one to wait on us. of course she is. and eventually, she remembers me. how, you ask? she said, 'oh yeah, you're the one complaining about your boobs.'

AWESOME.

we take a few bathing suits to the dressing rooms. most looked like they came straight out of an 80's geriatric runway show. those two swimsuits made me laugh out loud. then i opened the curtain to show my mom and she laughed a little louder.

me - 0, swimsuit- 2

it's funny though, how your perspective on 'ugly' changes when nothing fits. my mom proceeds to bring in six more swimsuits and tries very hard to make a face to indicate that it looked good. neither of us lie very well.

we left. went to target, found two tankinis (god bless my soul) and called it a day. this morning i felt really good about my body, my weight gain and my health. flourescent lights took that away from me in about 4.2 seconds. and this is coming from a person who is actually happy with herself. its just A LOT of change at once. im embracing it and laughing.

and most importantly, im INSANELY happy to be pregnant with one cute little squirrel.